Would you like to dance with...

So, Saturday night, successfully got trashed. Well trashed. So wasted in fact that by the time I got to the Cavern to watch the boys play, I needed to leave and have a burger. I somehow managed to purchase the correct burger. I was quite trashed. It made me better though and I was ready to party.

I'm dancing away, as I always do, dancing like a stripper who has no pole, and this woman comes up to me, and she was like "Excuse me, (turns me around to where her friends are) would you like to dance with one of my friends (gestures her arm towards a group of no less than 6 males who are all at least in their 40's and not in the slightest bit attractive)?" I gave one of them a pity dance. For being so pathetic and incapable of asking me themselves. BE A MAN! Grow so testicles. Ask me yourself. I'm drunk enough that I'm not going to say no, and if you creep me out I'm just going to ignore you and dance with my friends instead. Sheesh.

It was real fun though. And I got to hang with all my favourite straights. It was nice. And after, we kept drinking, and had deep and meaningful conversations. It was awesome. And then, then, I went home with a boy I probably shouldn't have. Not because it was wrong, but because it was disappointing. That's right. PRETTY DISAPOINTING. It should have been better. But you know what? It's okay. I just know not to go home with him again. It was reeeeal funny though, cos he was trying to be sneaky, and not have anyone know that we were leaving to have sex, but I was like, why do you care? Everyone here will know exactly what I'm up to. These are the people who know me best. There are no secrets at this table. But he was pretty crap. No stamina. WHERE'S THE STAMINA! You need to put in more effort if you aren't capable of going the distance.

This is going to be a bad follow on from that story, based purely on the fact that it makes me look like a slut. I am. A bit. Much less so than I was, and I mostly sleep with the same people, I just cycle through them every now and then and have patches where I sleep with certain people more than others. And to be fair, I would quite happily sleep with only one person for the rest of my days. Quiiiiite happily.

So, I had to pick up my shoes yesterday, and boy was I glad I did. Tables and oral sex are amazing, amazing things. And, suprisingly enough, an excellent cure for hangovers. Well, not a cure, but it makes you feel waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better. Soooooo much better. LOVE IT. So good. It made going to the vege market way more bearable. I don't enjoy the vege market cos there are so many people and it becomes overwhelming and you just want to buy some fresh vege but there are too many people for you to get through to get to them and it's so intense and there are all these happy looking couples and they make me sick and there are so many foreign people which doesn't normally bother me but in such a large quantitys and with a hang over and so many things going on around you and I couldn't find any good spinach! I love spinach. They only had shitty spinach though. It broke my heart a little. But now I have grapes. And mushrooms. And I'm really looking forward to eating copious amounts of vegetables this week.

After I got home, I was going to make fruit salad, but I got high while I was trying to construct it, and just ended up eating pieces of fruit. I like mangoes. They're real tasty. It wasn't the most amazing mango I've ever eaten, but it was still pretty good. Maybe the drugs helped that one...

So, ate some fruit, wandered around without any purpose, and decided I should go to the supermarket. Not the one in Newtown because it sucks balls and annoys the crap out of me. I hate that supermarket. It's expensive and has sweet fuck all in the way of selection. Drives me crazy. So, I caught the bus to Pak'n Save(also, hate that supermarket) and it was so hard. Like, I was way too high to be navigating one of their giant trolleys(I swear they're bigger than other supermarkets ones) and there were so many people and I was super awkward and listening to my music really loudly and it was just so so hard. And I was buying food for the week so...ugh. So hard. I spent more than I should have too. Mostly because I saw things and was like "That would be nice to have" and bought it. This is a problem I have. I impulse buy. But not too badly. Which is good. Because it would be embarassing to get to the check out and not have enough money. Not that this hasn't happened before.

I decided I need to get my license on that journey. Carrying excessive amounts of cans isn't good. The bus stop is pretty far from my abode coming back too. I wanted to cook my lovely Louse some delicious vegetables, but had a sneaking suspision dramatic flatmate had invited people over for dinner. And she had, which is fine, but she asked if I could cook. I don't have a problem with cooking for a group of people, but since we're paying for food individually, I didn't really want to pay for everyone to eat. I can't afford it with impending Japan trip. So instead she got her boyfriend to cook for us. Which is cool. I don't mind that at all. It was a carb extravaganza. Like, pasta, mashed potato and swede, and garlic bread. With a small portion of salad. I wanted to eat more vegetables. Green ones. Couldn't. Ate grapes after dinner instead. I quite like her boyfriend, he's nice, and cooks tasty things. I don't like how dramatic likes to constantly go on about how lovely he is and how he does nice things for her ALL THE TIME. Maybe if I was in a relationship, it wouldn't matter so much, I'm not sure. It would probably still bother me.

I cried this morning. Because I was angry. And frustrated. And hating the fact that my room is next to the bathroom/the shower is RIGHT next to my head through a wall. And when the light gets switched on the fan is also switched on, and it wakes me up. And the shower door is noisey. So even if I manage to get back to sleep once they get in the shower, I get woken up again when they get out. And so when dramatics boyfriend(she's so co-dependent it's not even funny) gets up to have a shower at 6:30, and then she gets up to have a shower just after 7, I'm wide awake and angry and so furious I can't get back to sleep and then I worry about there being no hot water when I want to shower, and I'm so agitated I have to have a cigarette. But I don't have any ciggies, so I have to put on clothes and walk to the shop, and I'm still crying because I'm way too tired to be doing this shit. It's retarded I know. I just get so angry in the morning when I get rudely awoken. SO ANGRY.

I think that's enough ranty rant time. Yes. Indeed. Time to find something else to do for the next 6 hours. Pole class tonight. I'm looking forward to hurting. Hopefully I don't get all retarded on it and incapable of doing things by the end of the class. I did last week. The crane...sheesh.

Easier than Expected

So, had a chat with TA. Went waaaaaay better than I had expected. Possibly I had talked myself into thinking it was going to go badly. It didn't. I didn't really say much to be fair. It consisted of this:
"I'm worried I'm going to hurt you"
"Why?"
"Because, I think I will. I don't know, I can't...I'm not sure"
"It's okay, I realise you're not into relationships and stuff"
"Okay, good, because, I need to be okay on my own before I can do the whole relationship thing"
"Yeah, I know, it's okay"

And then I got a cuddle. It was okay. And then, he sent me a text, saying "Don't worry about me. I'm cool with just a casual thing. I'm still kinda on the lookout for a real relationship but I never expected that from you." and then "I do care about you though. Don't get the wrong idea." So, pretty much, best outcome I could have asked for.

I could do a relationship. I could be quite happy in one. I don't want to date him though. He's lovely, and he gets along with my friends, and he buys me coffee/drinks when we go out(I still find this a novel experience after years of providing for myself and never expecting anyone else to step up to the plate and buy things for me), we get along really well, but there just isn't...that something it would need to be a dating kinda relationship.

Before I can do any kind of relationship, I need to have sex with one man in particular. I've never had to work so hard to get into anyones pants before in my life. I'm being quietly driven insane. I WANT HIM SO MUCH! I've been having sex dreams about him all week. It's all I can think about. Sex with anyone but him wouldn't satisfy anything. I'm in a constant state of arousal. It's actually all I can think about. UFNEILAF NHWBEIGwerIVGNER

cRAZY. So much crazy. I cried last night watching tv and there were people who were helping a little old lady because she didn't have enough money to buy her meds. It was an actor! Holy crap. So sleep deprived. It's okay, i'VE SLEPT NOW. Keep hitting caps. It's all good.

Right. Now that it's been commented on that I'm blogging, I'm going to stop. Yep. Just for today. Or maybe for the afternoon. Depends if anything interesting happens...

Winning a girls heart.

Nothing flatters a woman more than a text at 3am on a Wednesday morning saying that you're drunk, in a strip club, and want to have sex with you. Thanks for that hun. Way to make a lady feel special.

You put the doodle in my snicker.

So, snickerdoodles. Awesome. Simple yet delicious. Although mildly time consuming, but then again I did perfect my technique on the last 6 after already making 36...I got me a sweet battle scar on my hand too from when I tried to remove the shit from the bottom of the oven because it was starting to produce mildly acrid smoke that was burning my eyes a little and accidentally touched the rack thing... Yeah, I have burns. After tonight I'll have bruises too. They'll be on my legs though so I can hide them easier. I have pole dancing classes, not a planned beating in case you were concerned.

I've reached an extreme level of sexual frustration. I haven't been this pent up in a long long time. It's not that I can't get sex, it's that I can't get the sex that I crave, and no other sex will be an adequate substitute. Okay, there might be one other guy that could satisfy me, but I don't think that's going to happen. The problem with my current frustration, is that I spend at least 20 hours a week in his presence, and there's flirting, and the occasional make out or ass grab, and even more occasionally there's a lil bit of oral, but not sex, which is what I want. What I really, truly, want more than anything else I can think of right now. IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE! I've started dreaming about having sex with him. The past two nights. I'm sure I will again tonight. That is of course if I have enough sleep to get to the dreams I can remember stage. But it's getting retarded. He's addicted to the tension. It is pretty hot. Like, very very hot. But I think most things are getting that way right now. Dammit! If he said he didn't want to bang again, it would be all good, sure, it won't make me less frustrated, but I'd still be able to move on and forward and maybe try and focus all my...desire, on someone else.

Speaking on desire. I need to get rid of...shit. I need to come up with pseudonyms. Well call him...Too Attached. Or TA for short. So, TA, I need to talk to him real bad. Because as his name may suggest, he's gotten too attached, and he's a super sweet guy, I just don't want to date him. And I feel like I'll just be leading him on if I let things continue the way they have been, I'm just going to break his heart. Worse than I probably will already. I don't think he's put together the pieces of me only going home with him when I'm trashed. I'm just too affectionate. It's who I am. I'm an affectionate lady. That's probably confusing for him. I just have some much affection to give. SO MUCH! That's why I need a dog. But I can't get one of those until I've travelled around and I'm ready to settle down. I think that's about 2 years away. Maybe I'll get one for my...27th birthday. I'm getting old.

Returning to work...facebook is unblocked. YUS!

Mildly sedated

That's how I feel right now. I'm at work. In fact, I will most likely always be at work when I'm writing a blog. Unless I decide to make a stoned rambling one. Then, I will not be at work. Because work is not the place to be high, although I think it would help me to connect better with the majority of our callers. It may make things harder though when I try to figure out what time things leave, but at the same time, I would be at the same level of the callers. They can't read timetables, I wouldn't be able to either, it would be a level playing field and I wouldn't feel like abusing them all the time. I don't of course. I'm a professional kinda lady.

I love people. A lot. Without them, I would spiral into a dark depression. At the same time, I hate people. Not all people. Just the crap ones. I can't be bothered with dealing with people anymore tonight. Unfortunately I still have an hour and a half at work, in my customer service role. I don't think the ritz I consumed last night are helping my current motivation to deal with crap people. I should really put through the complaints from the other day. I don't like complaints. I send through the compliments straight away, because it's nice passing on nice things about other people. The complaints often get forced to wait around for a day or two before I send them.

I want to eat things. I have a mandarin but I'm feeling a tiny bit refluxy so that probably wouldn't be a good idea. I'll just continue to drink my now cold tea. And have some cold medicine. It's crap how they aren't allowed to sell pseudoephidrine anymore. Stupid P addicts stealing my right to get effective sinus relief. And the mild tingly sensation I had grown to love every time I got sick. It was the only part of being sick I ever enjoyed, and now it's gone. I'm going to make snickerdoodles when I get home. I've never had them before, let alone tried to bake them. I'm sure they'll be delicious. I only want to make them because of their name. It's fun to say. And people assume it has snickers bars in it but no, it's just a biscuit rolled in sugar and cinnamon. I think they'll be fun to make. Yeah, I'm staying at home on a Saturday night to bake cookies. I'm fucking cool. So rock star last night.

I realise I touched on ritz a mere two paragraphs ago, but I didn't really say anything. I love it. I got to have some sweet sweet deep and meaningfuls with my bro, and then I did some dishes, and smoked some green, and was still cranking, and then at 3am I felt the crash coming on. I was mildly relieved because I was worried I wouldn't be able to sleep for...ages. 3.30am was to be fair, over an hour and a half after I wanted to be in bed. I wasn't even supposed to do anything last night but I just...if I get invited to hang out with people I love, I find it hard to resist. And things that go up your nose...I find it hard to say no. It's lucky I'm not often presented with these kinds of temptations. And that drugs here are way too ridiculously expensive to get any real habit. I sound like I do hard drugs all the time. I don't. Maybe a couple of times a year at the most.They fall into the occasional fun category. How much crap have I written? Aw yeah? A reasonable amount.

OMG Spice Girls just came on the radio. It reminds me of being 10. I hated being 10 for the most part. 11 was pretty awful too. Probably because I had no friends. Starting at a new school where everyone had been friends since they we 5 was a bit tough. Especially when you're as weird as I am. I'm not that weird. Okay, I am a bit different. I'm just unique. I like to go against the grain in the most conformist way possible. I'm babbling. I hated school. It wasn't my thing. Kids were mean.

Okay. I'm going to stop babbling about nothing. I'm going to instead...do something. I don't know. Yawn and stuff. Yeah. Awesome. And think about snickerdoodles. Just writing the name gives me joy.

A day in the life

Of me. Who else would I write about? I'm not going to be living anyone elses life am I?

I have an hour left of work. I'm going to a pole dancing class when I finish for the night. QUITE EXCITED. It should be awesome. And a release of energy I'm well overdue for. I need to start exercising more. Or having sex with a certain someone. Either or. I think I'll go with exercise though. It seems more achievable and set to my own schedule. Cos working him in is way too hard. Not that I'm not trying.

Apparently, the men of my office building have been discussing me around the water cooler. I'm kinda stoked. Just a smidge. Like, I have a pretty high personal opinion of myself, but this is just awesome. It is kind of disconcerting however when you have to talk to one of the men you're 99% sure would have been talking about wanting to bang you 10 minutes after you've been told they're talking about you. Does that make sense? I don't have names, I just got told that I'm "causing quite a stir among the young men" and "A lot of people think you're hot, put it that way". That means, I make men in this office's penis's hard. Right? Yeah. It so does.

I did baking last night. It wasn't real successful. I think cookies aren't really my forte. Pies, muffins and cakes are all great. Cookies are just...I don't know. Maybe I just haven't made cookies in too long and I should have used a recipe that I'm familiar with rather than free styling because I don't have chocolate chips and I'm adding peanut butter instead and probably(I'm, pretty sure it was my main problem) the fact that I was being too impatient with them and didn't allow them their desired amount of oven time. I think that was the problem.

I think I need to pee. I haven't been since I got here at 9:30, and that was 8 hours ago, and I've been drinking quite a bit of water. Yes. In a minute. I need to find my swiper. That would help. It's mildly frustrating that I need one to pee.

BETTER! And that's right. I just wrote about my need for urination. I just told my boss I require a special spy code name if he wishes to use me for spying purposes. It's only fair.

I wanted to wax my legs last night. I did. I hadn't waited long enough for my sweet sweet leg hair growth. I'm too impatient! Also, I got sick of the fact that my legs were hairy. I got maybe half the hairs. No, I'd put it at closer to 75%. It was impossible to get them all though. It'll be fine.

I'm so excited about going to Japan. 57 Sleeps! OMG! Okay! I'm gonna go now! POLE DANCING!!!!! Amazing. I'll babble about how it goes tomorrow.

Gems of Wisdom

I have a lot of gems to share.

I think today's gems are going to be based around what NOT to insert in your...yes.

I think I'll start with the worst ideas. These are all of course, things I have experienced, and regretted. I would like to point out now, that none of these ideas were my own. None of them.

1) Cayenne Pepper. To be fair, this wasn't so much an idea as it was an accident. But definitely the worst thing I have experienced to date. Mucus membranes and burning hot chili aren't a great idea. Also, you may find crying in the bathroom while trying to wash away the chili with cold water is a bit of a mood killer.

2) Berrocca. "It'll fizz and be all tingly and awesome" No. It won't. Don't do it. It's acidic and horrible. You will be excreting bright orange goodness for days. You can try to douche out the tablets but chances are you won't be able to. They'll just keep on fizzing away. You can barely even feel the fizzing either, so not only is it unpleasant, it's also pointless.

3) Corn. Especially the microwaved variety. I was tricked into this one by being blindfolded. I could hear the microwave going, but decided I wouldn't let it bother me, and assured myself everything would be fine. Funny thing about microwaves, they make things hot. Really hot. And then, when you try and insert something that is really hot, and quite large, much larger than something I would normally be attempting, it burns. Quite a lot. And it's unpleasant. And then, when your boyfriend eats the corn cob after, it doesn't make you feel any better about the fact you just got mild burns on your genitals.

4)Frozen condom of water. This could, potentially, be okay. That is, if you take into account the fact that water expands when it's frozen. And probably only for very brief periods of time. I'd personally just stick to an ice cube. It could also help avoid awkward conversations with flatmates about what a condom filled with water is doing hanging out in your freezer. Remember though, ice burns too.

5) Chocolate bars. This is actually kind of fun if not messy. It can either work in your favour or go horribly wrong depending on your partner. I don't think they're a bad idea, just one with bad potential. Don't use bars with nuts. I just wanted to have five things on my list.

And these, are my gems of wisdom for today. Experimentation is awesome, just make sure you aren't going to be experiencing any unpleasant repercussions.