Wetlook. Borederline NSFW

 Lion t-shirt that turned out to be a dress. With a VEry sparkly lion. So much sparkly. Everything shall sparkle forever. Hoping washing it will remove a little sparkle...

 Leggings. Snake print. Wetlook. You an see VPL because...

I'm wearing wetlook underwear. It is snakeprint also. It is more... shiny. 

What's that? More wetlook? 

Okay then.....

New Job

I just finished applying for a new job.

I fucking hope I get it. I will cry if I don't get it. Don't doubt tears will be falling if I don't get it. I just typed win. It will be winning if I get it.

I think it will be good. A fresh start with familiar faces. And a sweet pay rise.

WETLOOK MONTAGE IS ON IT'S WAY AS SOON AS IT COMES IN THE MAIL...WAIT WITH BAITED BREATH.

Shit's going to be awesome. My life is finally becoming complete.

Good things come to those who wait.

My mum got engaged today.

I'm happy for her. This will be her first marriage. And I potentially get to be a flower girl. Or at least have some form of starring role in the ceremony. I'm quite excited. And, more importantly, Brenton is awesome for her. I can't think of a better suited person for her to be with. And he hunts things and goes fishing and I get to eat tasty meats.

But seriously, I'm surprised, but totally happy for her.

I think I have a secret love for gingers.

Cats and men.

I don't really like cats, but if I were to, I'd choose the ginger ones.

And the men, while I tried to fight it, attempting to protect my potential unborn children, it's undeniable.

I love the gingers.


(There was an article that said they don't wrinkle. We all know it's because they spend their lives hiding from the sun.)

Juice

Bring me a bottle of juice when I'm a bit hung over, and I will be yours forever.

I will have sex with you until neither of us can function.

Eat ice cream off my body, and well...

Cheese

If you want to get in my pants, you best be paying for all the cheese when we go out to that dinner. That you initiated. And didn't tell me that I would be paying half until right at the end when you say "it's cool if we split it, right?" . Even though I earn half as much as you. And I didn't decide which restaurant we were going to, which was fine when I thought you were going to pay, but now I have $20 to last me until Thursday.

This is not how you win your way into my heart.

Trouble expert.

That's me.

Shit.

But AWESOME SHIT.

Because tonight, I'm going out to have drinks with the American. The one who's got clingy and tried to change me. And I said "Fuck you! You can't change me, bitch!" and he stopped talking to me for a while, and then the other day, he sends me an email being like "I went to Dunedin on my holiday. I imagine it was pretty shit"(I'm paraphrasing the shit out of conversations cos I only have 10 mins till I'm leaving work.

Anyway, I was like, yep, pretty shit, how you doing? And then he was like I'm okay, we should have a catch up drink. And so, tonight, I'm going to have a drink with him. Probably two. At foxglove. Cocktails. Yum.

And then, this is the kicker. The part that cracks me up. SO MUCH.

I'm getting my new man friend to come and collect me. And when I say I'm getting him to come, I mean, he wanted to pick me up because it's not safe for a lady like myself to be roaming the streets on my own. Not actually, but kind of yes. So, I'm having drinks at Foxglove with a man who is scrawny and needy last I checked, and then being met by another man who is preeeetty much the opposite. He's a giant compared to me(and the American). I don't think I even quite make it to his shoulders. He's a big, manly man. And I love it.

It's going to be interesting. I haven't figured out how I'm going to make this transition. Do I say I'm going to meet my friend who's walking the same way after he finishes work? Do I tell him he's my new "love interest" and know that I'll be writing off any chances for future tasty times and fancy feasts? I don't think I'd mind that.

I'm looking forward to the walk home though. I'll be mildly intoxicated. I'm going to try and make him carry me home. Because...why not?

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY I GET TO HAVE SEXY TIMES TONIGHT! With someone who's a total gentleman, considerate, open, a good fuck, and hasn't disappointed me once. And he totally appreciates my body. Like, all of it. Loves it.

Drinky times!

10 reasons I could never date you

I'm not sure if I have 10. But I think I might.

1. You don't like interesting food. You can't handle chilli chocolate. You don't like gherkins. Or mushrooms. When you talk about eating curry, you mean butter chicken.

2. You use the word "box" to describe my vagina. It's the only word I think I've heard you call it. You use the word "knob" to describe your penis. You only use one word to describe each of the genitalia. There are so many glorious words to use, why would you use THOSE two. "I want you to suck my knob" EW. "Your box tastes good." DISGUSTING.

3.You add extra bits to words. Not on purpose either. That's just the way you think it's said.

4. You can't spell. At all. Here is an example of a text(word for word): "Haha whopps my multy tarsken ant that good! See that's why I like u,u seem to no what i mean or sm thinken most da time.....but im not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.... lol hope you have a grate 1st day back at work"

I'm not going to lie. number 4 may have contained many of the reasons why I could never date you.

5. Too much drug use. Possible aid for number 4. Occasional drug use is fine, but multiple tabs a week, and putting things up your nose on a semi regular basis. Sure, you've cut down on your weed, but really?

6. You sell drugs. Seriously. You bought a buttload of acid. Sure, you sell it to friends, but still. That shit's dumb. I don't want to be associated with people who do that kind of thing.

7. You aren't very attractive. I'm not that shallow, but when you look at points 1 through 6, I think it gains extra weight. You can be boring and stupid if you're hot. Kind of. Not really, but at least I have something good to look at when I get bored of you talking.

8. I don't think I have any more, but number 4 is bad enough to fill 8 - 10 as well.

Oh, and, he gives me drugs when I'm in no fit state to be doing them, but I do them anyway because I'm drunk and it sounds like fun. And then I have to clean my moving vomit off the floor in the morning because I'm hung over and I only took a tab at 2am.

These are the reasons why we don't date. And why I'm slowly distancing myself further and further from you. If you were more tech savvy then maybe you'd know I had a blog and how to access it. I'm glad you aren't.