That's how long I've been back in Wellington as of Saturday. Whoa. It's gone pretty quickly. And my how things have changed. Holy shit. I mean, I got back, I was on a super slampage. And boozing/smoking it up all the time. All the time. And now, I'm feeling like a grown up. Like I should be acting responsibly. And I am. Mostly. I've grown up a lot. And I want to do grown up things too. Like buy a house and a dog and have babies and make plans for the future that aren't just sweet parties I'm going to go to.
Oooh, I have Hummingbird(the database everything has to be saved onto at work) training in 15 minutes. So that I'll be able to save the timetables I'll be proofing. I'm kind of apprehensive about shifting downstairs. I'm worried I'm going to be really bored. Or screw stuff up. I don't have much faith in my ability. I should. I had my R&R yesterday, and effectively got told that I'm awesome, and that if I want to apply for the assistant role, I should, and that he would put in a good word for me. And not because of any extra curicular reasons either. And that if I want, he'll say good things about me when he leaves also. Which is quite exciting. And shows that even if I don't, other people have faith in my ability. And I'm going to be put...
Okay, didn't save the end of that yesterday apparently. So, I'm going to go on some course. A first aid one, a time management one, an assertiveness course(LOLOLOLOLOL I'm actually really looking forward to it because it's something I really need to work on) - I wonder if he's trying to give me a hint as to the fact that he wants me to be more assertive when it comes to banging. Probably. I need to figure out what I want before I can ask for it.
I've re-stopped smoking. I keep stopping and starting. I'm not doing very well this time round. I haven't smoked at work since I stopped in August. And mostly when I smoke now, I just have a couple at night, or recently, I've been buying 20's in the weekend. Psh. I know I can do it. I just don't have the iron will I had last time. I guess the motivation factor that I had last time isn't really an issue. Mostly because he doesn't know that I'm smoking. LOL. AHAHAHAHa. I crack me up.
I have another 30 minutes of work left. It's dragging today. Posting. 10 minutes to go. Yes. I wrote nothing for 20 minutes.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Tantrum City
Hey yo.
My body. It has a tantrum. Every day. There's a new tantrum waiting around the corner. I swear I don't deserve this. And I'm almost certain the stress of each bodily tantrum turns into the next one. It's a bit lame. I'm quite over it. I've started my clean living again though.
Yesterday was day one of not smoking. Again. I don't quite have the same motivation as last time. Which is a bit shit. But that's okay. I can do this. It's better for me. My lungs are happier. I can be a functional human being. And I'm not going to beat myself up if I have the odd ciggie here and there. Actually. The not smoking probably explains why I've been a bit...restless. Yesterday was the longest, most boring day ever. And today. Well, I feel a bit fidgety. And quite energised. Like I should go for a run around the block or soemthing. But I know that would just make my rashyness red. And I try not to go for that look when copious amounts of people will see.
And I screwed things up with himself today. Again. I sent him a text saying "sometimes I wonder how much of what you say is just talk, and how much of it you actually mean". I don't think this is an unfair statement. Because he does say a lot of things and not follow through. Don't say you want to have sex with me and make me wait 3 months. So, he sends one back, and say's "Ignore me then. Someone got out of the bed on the wrong side today". Sheesh. I didn't say I didn't want to talk to you. Was my first text out of line? I really didn't think it was. And it's not like I haven't lived through being told lies at every corner. Daniel was full of shit. The whole time. I had to go along with his lies constantly, and I was forever getting in trouble for telling the truth and forgetting I was supposed to be story telling too. There were too many lies for me to keep up with, and I'm well aware he was often just telling me things to try and keep me happy, without meaning to follow through with any of it. I just want to protect myself from the mistakes of my past.
So, I sent him a reply. Or three. Saying I was sorry. And that I didn't mean to offend him. And that I don't want to ignore him because I'm actually rather fond of him. Yes. I told him that I was fond of him. I know. Shoot me. I'm just going to get hurt. I don't know that being aware of this is such a good thing. I mean, I know it's going to happen, but it's kinda like seeing a car hurtling towards you and being unable to move because you're wearing cement boots. Can't do shit about it and you know it's going to hurt. It sucks balls. Oh shiiiiit. Just realised I've hit the "emotional" stage of not smoking. YUS YUS YUS YUS YUS!
It's only gonna get better. Electricity running through my veins. ELECTRICITY!!!! This was totally worth starting smoking again. Such a good plan. I'm being sarcastic. I don't think sarcasm really translates well into blogs very often. Or more, as my blog is most frequently, a written rant.
I just figured out how to cook quinoa. When I say figured out, I mean, the internets told me. i'M GOING TO MAKE opps. I'm gonna make eggplant, asparagas, spinach, ummmm, mushroom, courgette, pumpkin, kumara and feta with quinoa. Man. That sounds like quite the feast. I should be eating it for daaaaays. And my pee will smell weird for days also. Radical. I think I'll only use half a cup of quinoa. Yes. Because even if Louse comes, that's still gonna be way too much food for 2+lunch tomorrow. Ooooh, should have dinner sorted for after my run tomorrow also this way. That'd be nice. And I'll need a run tomorrow. With all this electricity. And frustration. And....yep. I think those are the main reasons. I'm gonna push myself harder this week than I did last week. I'm gonna aim for 3 laps running without stopping. Tom said he thought I could do 5. I think he's probably right. I'm feeling relatively fit presently. I haven't really smoked any greens since Saturday either. Well, I had 2 lil spots on Sunday afternoon, but I wasn't high for ages like I normally would be. Today is day 3 of no buds. I'm gonna start saving heaps of money. But also spending it on tasty, delicious things to eat. Because I can. And healthy things are more expensive than shit things most of the time.
I should go for a break. Maybe I'll wait for someone to get back from theirs. And then I can walk around the block. Cos damn I need to. So badly. I need to.
DONE!
My body. It has a tantrum. Every day. There's a new tantrum waiting around the corner. I swear I don't deserve this. And I'm almost certain the stress of each bodily tantrum turns into the next one. It's a bit lame. I'm quite over it. I've started my clean living again though.
Yesterday was day one of not smoking. Again. I don't quite have the same motivation as last time. Which is a bit shit. But that's okay. I can do this. It's better for me. My lungs are happier. I can be a functional human being. And I'm not going to beat myself up if I have the odd ciggie here and there. Actually. The not smoking probably explains why I've been a bit...restless. Yesterday was the longest, most boring day ever. And today. Well, I feel a bit fidgety. And quite energised. Like I should go for a run around the block or soemthing. But I know that would just make my rashyness red. And I try not to go for that look when copious amounts of people will see.
And I screwed things up with himself today. Again. I sent him a text saying "sometimes I wonder how much of what you say is just talk, and how much of it you actually mean". I don't think this is an unfair statement. Because he does say a lot of things and not follow through. Don't say you want to have sex with me and make me wait 3 months. So, he sends one back, and say's "Ignore me then. Someone got out of the bed on the wrong side today". Sheesh. I didn't say I didn't want to talk to you. Was my first text out of line? I really didn't think it was. And it's not like I haven't lived through being told lies at every corner. Daniel was full of shit. The whole time. I had to go along with his lies constantly, and I was forever getting in trouble for telling the truth and forgetting I was supposed to be story telling too. There were too many lies for me to keep up with, and I'm well aware he was often just telling me things to try and keep me happy, without meaning to follow through with any of it. I just want to protect myself from the mistakes of my past.
So, I sent him a reply. Or three. Saying I was sorry. And that I didn't mean to offend him. And that I don't want to ignore him because I'm actually rather fond of him. Yes. I told him that I was fond of him. I know. Shoot me. I'm just going to get hurt. I don't know that being aware of this is such a good thing. I mean, I know it's going to happen, but it's kinda like seeing a car hurtling towards you and being unable to move because you're wearing cement boots. Can't do shit about it and you know it's going to hurt. It sucks balls. Oh shiiiiit. Just realised I've hit the "emotional" stage of not smoking. YUS YUS YUS YUS YUS!
It's only gonna get better. Electricity running through my veins. ELECTRICITY!!!! This was totally worth starting smoking again. Such a good plan. I'm being sarcastic. I don't think sarcasm really translates well into blogs very often. Or more, as my blog is most frequently, a written rant.
I just figured out how to cook quinoa. When I say figured out, I mean, the internets told me. i'M GOING TO MAKE opps. I'm gonna make eggplant, asparagas, spinach, ummmm, mushroom, courgette, pumpkin, kumara and feta with quinoa. Man. That sounds like quite the feast. I should be eating it for daaaaays. And my pee will smell weird for days also. Radical. I think I'll only use half a cup of quinoa. Yes. Because even if Louse comes, that's still gonna be way too much food for 2+lunch tomorrow. Ooooh, should have dinner sorted for after my run tomorrow also this way. That'd be nice. And I'll need a run tomorrow. With all this electricity. And frustration. And....yep. I think those are the main reasons. I'm gonna push myself harder this week than I did last week. I'm gonna aim for 3 laps running without stopping. Tom said he thought I could do 5. I think he's probably right. I'm feeling relatively fit presently. I haven't really smoked any greens since Saturday either. Well, I had 2 lil spots on Sunday afternoon, but I wasn't high for ages like I normally would be. Today is day 3 of no buds. I'm gonna start saving heaps of money. But also spending it on tasty, delicious things to eat. Because I can. And healthy things are more expensive than shit things most of the time.
I should go for a break. Maybe I'll wait for someone to get back from theirs. And then I can walk around the block. Cos damn I need to. So badly. I need to.
DONE!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Fatally bored.
I'M SO BORED.
I don't have things to look at on the internets. Its pretty shithouse. I'm so bored. Too bored to even type correctly anymore. Blah blah blah things and stuff.
You know what's super lame? Rash attack. Mystery freakin rash attack. IT'S NOT FAIR. So, in order to attempt to overthrow the rash attack, I'm drinking water. Lots of water. I've drunk damn close to 2 litres already. It's only 1:05 pm. I've been at work since 8:30am. I'm here until 6pm. It's a long day. A long, rashy day. Awesome. And then after work, I'm going to watch Outrageous with my lady friends. Which is awesome. I need my time with my ladies. Wait. All my friends are ladies. Or brothers. Brothers may as well be ladies. Except I try not to share as much information with them. Well, with Matty. I try and sensor things. I feel like he's been rather desenstised over time though.
I'm hungry. Probably because my stomach is filled with water. WATER. Waterful water. Wonderful waterful waster. I feel hyperactive. Even though I haven't had any sugar. Mostly just water. I'm posting this now. Because I'm going to go and have lunch. Because I need something in my stomach other than water. Maybe some fruit. I thin kI need something more solid than just fruit. Maybe...almonds. And...yeah, that's all I got. I'll see if I can come up with anything better when I'm at the supermarket.
Sweet.
I don't have things to look at on the internets. Its pretty shithouse. I'm so bored. Too bored to even type correctly anymore. Blah blah blah things and stuff.
You know what's super lame? Rash attack. Mystery freakin rash attack. IT'S NOT FAIR. So, in order to attempt to overthrow the rash attack, I'm drinking water. Lots of water. I've drunk damn close to 2 litres already. It's only 1:05 pm. I've been at work since 8:30am. I'm here until 6pm. It's a long day. A long, rashy day. Awesome. And then after work, I'm going to watch Outrageous with my lady friends. Which is awesome. I need my time with my ladies. Wait. All my friends are ladies. Or brothers. Brothers may as well be ladies. Except I try not to share as much information with them. Well, with Matty. I try and sensor things. I feel like he's been rather desenstised over time though.
I'm hungry. Probably because my stomach is filled with water. WATER. Waterful water. Wonderful waterful waster. I feel hyperactive. Even though I haven't had any sugar. Mostly just water. I'm posting this now. Because I'm going to go and have lunch. Because I need something in my stomach other than water. Maybe some fruit. I thin kI need something more solid than just fruit. Maybe...almonds. And...yeah, that's all I got. I'll see if I can come up with anything better when I'm at the supermarket.
Sweet.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Rollercoaster
I'm up and I'm down.
Who knows where I'm going? I don't. I do know that I'm going for a run this afternoon. And that I'm quite aroused. When I say quite, I mean, I want to have sex right now. Rampant sex. With the man across the room. It's only 9:15 but we've been sending dirty texts for the past hour. It's hot. And yes, I'm aware I've been a bit like whatevs, he's a dick, but I'm perfectly entitled to change my mind whenever I want. Because that, my friends, is what I want to do, and shall continue to do, until I see fit. I'm a fickle lady, and I'm easily bought. With sexual favours.
Nah, in all honesty, was quite down last night. From the moment I left work all I wanted to do was cry. I'm not entirely sure why. I just know the urge to cry was pretty strong. So I wasted as much time as I could in Real Groove, and eventually went home, almost 2 hours after I'd finished work. I texted him on the way home. Because I hate how much time I have to think. And I told him that. And kinda just got onto general mental health stuff. And it was good. He was being supportive and sympathetic. And I appreciated it. Because I got to offload. And I said sorry for doing so, and he just said Don't be. And that was really rather helpful for me. I did cry. Because I came to the painful realisation that I hate going home because I know I'm going to be alone. And I'm SO OVER BEING ALONE.
Yep. So. That's my general shizzle at the moment.
Why is it, that every time I eat an apple, I get juice on my tits. Like, actually. Okay. Not EVERY time, but at least the last 2 times. And it doesn't matter what I'm wearing, the flavour catchers work their charm. Fucking flavour catchers. I love em though. Especially when I walk places, and I look down, and they're just doin their own thing, bouncing along, bouncing together, bouncing apart, jiggle jiggle jiggle. Titties. Love them. Hours of entertainment.
I'm posting now. I can't be bothered writing anymore. I've been given "additional" work to do. That made it sound WAY more exciting than what it is, because in reality, it's just responding to an email about fares. I should probably call the reference person for the potential employee too. I'm kinda stoked that I'm getting so many things to do. I feel like my smarts are being put to use, which is nice. Like I'm not wasting ALL my potential.
RIGHT! POSTING!
Who knows where I'm going? I don't. I do know that I'm going for a run this afternoon. And that I'm quite aroused. When I say quite, I mean, I want to have sex right now. Rampant sex. With the man across the room. It's only 9:15 but we've been sending dirty texts for the past hour. It's hot. And yes, I'm aware I've been a bit like whatevs, he's a dick, but I'm perfectly entitled to change my mind whenever I want. Because that, my friends, is what I want to do, and shall continue to do, until I see fit. I'm a fickle lady, and I'm easily bought. With sexual favours.
Nah, in all honesty, was quite down last night. From the moment I left work all I wanted to do was cry. I'm not entirely sure why. I just know the urge to cry was pretty strong. So I wasted as much time as I could in Real Groove, and eventually went home, almost 2 hours after I'd finished work. I texted him on the way home. Because I hate how much time I have to think. And I told him that. And kinda just got onto general mental health stuff. And it was good. He was being supportive and sympathetic. And I appreciated it. Because I got to offload. And I said sorry for doing so, and he just said Don't be. And that was really rather helpful for me. I did cry. Because I came to the painful realisation that I hate going home because I know I'm going to be alone. And I'm SO OVER BEING ALONE.
Yep. So. That's my general shizzle at the moment.
Why is it, that every time I eat an apple, I get juice on my tits. Like, actually. Okay. Not EVERY time, but at least the last 2 times. And it doesn't matter what I'm wearing, the flavour catchers work their charm. Fucking flavour catchers. I love em though. Especially when I walk places, and I look down, and they're just doin their own thing, bouncing along, bouncing together, bouncing apart, jiggle jiggle jiggle. Titties. Love them. Hours of entertainment.
I'm posting now. I can't be bothered writing anymore. I've been given "additional" work to do. That made it sound WAY more exciting than what it is, because in reality, it's just responding to an email about fares. I should probably call the reference person for the potential employee too. I'm kinda stoked that I'm getting so many things to do. I feel like my smarts are being put to use, which is nice. Like I'm not wasting ALL my potential.
RIGHT! POSTING!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
That's what I thought.
You were being a jerk so I wouldn't like you. No, you're just a jerk.
I'm all, uncertain about things. And yes, I am going to talk about boys again. Because they dominate my mind. I can't help it. It's how it's wired. My brain that is. The animal instinct to breed is SO strong in me. Just in case you hadn't noticed. Sex is awesome, but it's just my body wanting to have baaaaaabies. Millions of babies. "Breed""DO IT!" That's what my hormones are telling me. I've been trying to supress the urges, but damn, they're hard to ignore. SO HARD.
Fuck. So now we all know I want babies, even though I REALLY don't right now, but at the same time I really do. But not enough to actually do it, because fuck having a baby without a baby daddy to do half the work. Or someone to do shit for me when I'm too preggers to do it myself. So, unless I have someone to support me, I have no intention of popping out any babies. I seriously think I'll have kids by the time I'm 28 though. I feel it in my ute.
Bitchface arsemonkey. I do swear a lot. I should get on top of that. Yeah. I should. I'll try. It's hard when you mostly hang out with the unemployed and trades people.
I feel like getting drunk. I feel destructive. Maybe it's just...no, I forgot. It's way harder to blog when you get calls. I'm feeling just a general urge to get fucked up. Perhaps to ignore my general pining for the long term company of the opposite sex. And to ignore the fact that I want someone who is highly unattainable and is only going to make me miserable if I continue like this. Yes, I am fully aware of my present situation and the pitfalls I'm dancing around. Does that mae sense? I'm not sure it does but I know what I mean and that's the most important thing as far as I'm concerned. I'm fully aware of everything I'm doing wrong. And when I want to, I will make it all better. Somehow. I'll work this shit out. I feel like crying. I think it's sleep deprivation. I haven't been getting much of the sweet sweet sleep. Mostly because I'm doing freaking early shifts and I can't seem to get to bed early enough. Probably because on Mondya night I had pole, and then last night I watched Outrageous at Lynne's and then walked home. With a posse. It was kinda awesome because it made the journey take way less time. I mean, it was still just as long, it just seemed shorter because I wasn't left with my own thoughts for half an hour.
Oh man. Now he's texting me about how he wants to have anal, and that I have a "beautiful bottom". He's so confusing. KRISTINE! I hope you read that with your accent because that would be awesome. SO awesome. I'm going to make you say it for me when you're back. What am I sposed to...I dunno. He's one hell of a confusing man. I can see why there are women with pitch forks all over this building waiting for him to walk around the corner. I really can.
I'm all, uncertain about things. And yes, I am going to talk about boys again. Because they dominate my mind. I can't help it. It's how it's wired. My brain that is. The animal instinct to breed is SO strong in me. Just in case you hadn't noticed. Sex is awesome, but it's just my body wanting to have baaaaaabies. Millions of babies. "Breed""DO IT!" That's what my hormones are telling me. I've been trying to supress the urges, but damn, they're hard to ignore. SO HARD.
Fuck. So now we all know I want babies, even though I REALLY don't right now, but at the same time I really do. But not enough to actually do it, because fuck having a baby without a baby daddy to do half the work. Or someone to do shit for me when I'm too preggers to do it myself. So, unless I have someone to support me, I have no intention of popping out any babies. I seriously think I'll have kids by the time I'm 28 though. I feel it in my ute.
Bitchface arsemonkey. I do swear a lot. I should get on top of that. Yeah. I should. I'll try. It's hard when you mostly hang out with the unemployed and trades people.
I feel like getting drunk. I feel destructive. Maybe it's just...no, I forgot. It's way harder to blog when you get calls. I'm feeling just a general urge to get fucked up. Perhaps to ignore my general pining for the long term company of the opposite sex. And to ignore the fact that I want someone who is highly unattainable and is only going to make me miserable if I continue like this. Yes, I am fully aware of my present situation and the pitfalls I'm dancing around. Does that mae sense? I'm not sure it does but I know what I mean and that's the most important thing as far as I'm concerned. I'm fully aware of everything I'm doing wrong. And when I want to, I will make it all better. Somehow. I'll work this shit out. I feel like crying. I think it's sleep deprivation. I haven't been getting much of the sweet sweet sleep. Mostly because I'm doing freaking early shifts and I can't seem to get to bed early enough. Probably because on Mondya night I had pole, and then last night I watched Outrageous at Lynne's and then walked home. With a posse. It was kinda awesome because it made the journey take way less time. I mean, it was still just as long, it just seemed shorter because I wasn't left with my own thoughts for half an hour.
Oh man. Now he's texting me about how he wants to have anal, and that I have a "beautiful bottom". He's so confusing. KRISTINE! I hope you read that with your accent because that would be awesome. SO awesome. I'm going to make you say it for me when you're back. What am I sposed to...I dunno. He's one hell of a confusing man. I can see why there are women with pitch forks all over this building waiting for him to walk around the corner. I really can.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Blog when it's bad
I realised that's normally what I do. Because I want to have a ranty time.
Things are pretty good at the moment though. I can't really complain. I'd still like a boyfriend, but meh, that's non crucial to my happyness, more of like...a booster pack. Because I get a bit lonely sometimes. At night. When I'm rattling round my house on my own. It'd be nice to have soemone to spoon sometimes. I don't think I'm going to find it in any of the places I've been looking. Unless his apparent dislike/disintrest in anything relationshipy is just a front. I don't think it is. Or maybe it is. I don't know. He's a complicated man. He said the other day that he was struggling to fight off the urge to reproduce. Fucking tell me about it. A baby. fUCK yeah. I could totally go for one of those. Bleeding helped make me want one a little less, but I still want one. Even though babies terrify me. What are you sposed to do with them? You've gotta be gentle right? I think that's why dogs are all good. Because I can be rough with them, and they love it.
I deviated from what I was talking about. I expect that to happen. It is me after all. I'm all about the deviation. I need a coffee. Fuck I need a coffee. I've been up since 5ish. YUS! COFFEE!
So, last night. I had Pole Fitness. Yeah. I was pole dancin. It was good. I finally found out and retained what my teachers name is. Serene. I don't know if that's how she spells it. But that's what it is. She wasn't taking us though. It was a new woman from the UK who was really good, and she was really nice, but I felt like she was targeting it towards the other ladies who've been doing it for longer and Georgina and I and we kinda just got left in the background a bit because she was teaching them complicated stuff that led on from other things they were already quite confident with. I can now, however, pull my legs up onto the pole from standing. Like, pull them up above my head, wrap them on the pole, and then slowly slide down to the ground. I need to work on desensitising my inner thighs. Damn. Painful shit. Like, ow. I really want to find a pole in a playground and do some sweet spinning around on it. Because then I don't have to climb to the top first. I might actually start going on Saturday mornings because I think it would be pretty good for me, and I could build my strength and maybe work and getting those thighs a lil more numb. I CAN DO IT!
I got sunburnt on Sunday. That was a bit shit. No one likes burny boobs. Or the "I'm wearing a white singlet" when you're naked thing and you cover your nips. That's what it looks like. I have a torso of stunning white and a cleavage of ravishing red. I was rocking good cleavage that day too(had coffee with the man but actually it was ice cream which is way more awesomer) and the evidence is in the burn pattern.
Damn I wanna bone him. Hahahaha bone. It's funny. But I do. The urge to do so is always hightened by boredom. And today, I am SO bored. The phones are pretty quiet. I'm taking maybe 30 calls an hour. That's not many. Yesterday I was taking closer to 50 for most of the day. I WANT TO CAUSE MISCHIEF. MISCHIEVIOUS MISCHIEF. YES PLEASE. CAPPITY CAP CAP CAP. Eat my testicles. They taste good. Proteinous. Full of nutrients. Nom nom nom nom nom. You love it. I'm bored. I had a large flat white also. So I'm bored and full of energy but I can't really run around the office making noise because I think I would probably get in trouble. YES. Even with my special get out of shit powers, I think I would still get told off and be made to sit quietly like a good girl. And then I'll just blog some more.
My typing. Sheesh. You're lucky I'm actually looking at the words as they appear on the screen otherwise this would be illegible. The number of typos. oooooooooh, sirens.
Whoop Whoop. He left the office. Now I have nothing exciting to look at. Lame. I might go for lunch in 5 minutes because I'm feeling RATHER peckish. Maybe I could eat in civic square. That would be nice. I'm gonna have sushi. I know I'll be disappointed but I may as well let go of the dream of having excellent sushi.
It was okay sushi. It didn't kill me. That's the main thing I think. I also ate a pork bun. It was mildly disappointing. Not too badly though. I mean, I still enjoyed it, but it had way more potential awesome powers than it lived up to. Okay. I'm bored of writing shit. I have nothing more of any importance to say. Or do I? Was I ever saying anything? Important. Nothing important. I'm so bored. But blogging is stopping me from staring blankly into space. BORED!
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Things are pretty good at the moment though. I can't really complain. I'd still like a boyfriend, but meh, that's non crucial to my happyness, more of like...a booster pack. Because I get a bit lonely sometimes. At night. When I'm rattling round my house on my own. It'd be nice to have soemone to spoon sometimes. I don't think I'm going to find it in any of the places I've been looking. Unless his apparent dislike/disintrest in anything relationshipy is just a front. I don't think it is. Or maybe it is. I don't know. He's a complicated man. He said the other day that he was struggling to fight off the urge to reproduce. Fucking tell me about it. A baby. fUCK yeah. I could totally go for one of those. Bleeding helped make me want one a little less, but I still want one. Even though babies terrify me. What are you sposed to do with them? You've gotta be gentle right? I think that's why dogs are all good. Because I can be rough with them, and they love it.
I deviated from what I was talking about. I expect that to happen. It is me after all. I'm all about the deviation. I need a coffee. Fuck I need a coffee. I've been up since 5ish. YUS! COFFEE!
So, last night. I had Pole Fitness. Yeah. I was pole dancin. It was good. I finally found out and retained what my teachers name is. Serene. I don't know if that's how she spells it. But that's what it is. She wasn't taking us though. It was a new woman from the UK who was really good, and she was really nice, but I felt like she was targeting it towards the other ladies who've been doing it for longer and Georgina and I and we kinda just got left in the background a bit because she was teaching them complicated stuff that led on from other things they were already quite confident with. I can now, however, pull my legs up onto the pole from standing. Like, pull them up above my head, wrap them on the pole, and then slowly slide down to the ground. I need to work on desensitising my inner thighs. Damn. Painful shit. Like, ow. I really want to find a pole in a playground and do some sweet spinning around on it. Because then I don't have to climb to the top first. I might actually start going on Saturday mornings because I think it would be pretty good for me, and I could build my strength and maybe work and getting those thighs a lil more numb. I CAN DO IT!
I got sunburnt on Sunday. That was a bit shit. No one likes burny boobs. Or the "I'm wearing a white singlet" when you're naked thing and you cover your nips. That's what it looks like. I have a torso of stunning white and a cleavage of ravishing red. I was rocking good cleavage that day too(had coffee with the man but actually it was ice cream which is way more awesomer) and the evidence is in the burn pattern.
Damn I wanna bone him. Hahahaha bone. It's funny. But I do. The urge to do so is always hightened by boredom. And today, I am SO bored. The phones are pretty quiet. I'm taking maybe 30 calls an hour. That's not many. Yesterday I was taking closer to 50 for most of the day. I WANT TO CAUSE MISCHIEF. MISCHIEVIOUS MISCHIEF. YES PLEASE. CAPPITY CAP CAP CAP. Eat my testicles. They taste good. Proteinous. Full of nutrients. Nom nom nom nom nom. You love it. I'm bored. I had a large flat white also. So I'm bored and full of energy but I can't really run around the office making noise because I think I would probably get in trouble. YES. Even with my special get out of shit powers, I think I would still get told off and be made to sit quietly like a good girl. And then I'll just blog some more.
My typing. Sheesh. You're lucky I'm actually looking at the words as they appear on the screen otherwise this would be illegible. The number of typos. oooooooooh, sirens.
Whoop Whoop. He left the office. Now I have nothing exciting to look at. Lame. I might go for lunch in 5 minutes because I'm feeling RATHER peckish. Maybe I could eat in civic square. That would be nice. I'm gonna have sushi. I know I'll be disappointed but I may as well let go of the dream of having excellent sushi.
It was okay sushi. It didn't kill me. That's the main thing I think. I also ate a pork bun. It was mildly disappointing. Not too badly though. I mean, I still enjoyed it, but it had way more potential awesome powers than it lived up to. Okay. I'm bored of writing shit. I have nothing more of any importance to say. Or do I? Was I ever saying anything? Important. Nothing important. I'm so bored. But blogging is stopping me from staring blankly into space. BORED!
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