I leave the country in 45 hours. I didn't sleep very much last night because I was so anxious. I think I'll take a lorazepam tonight. Because I really need to have a decent sleep before I leave Wellington. I'm at work. I feel like vomiting. I'm still very anxious. I haven't had enough sleep to deal with my anxiety in a constructive way either. I know I'll be fine. I know I will. I can't shake the feeling of impending doom though. Maybe it was better when I had the sexual frustration to focus on. It's much easier to go to sleep thinking about banging someone than thinking about how you're going to a huge city where you know nobody and can't speak the language.
Wait. I think I just may have found a way to make myself feel better. It kinda works. I'm not going to go into specifics. But I THINK, it might just work enough to get my through today without puking on someone. Which is awesome. Because nobody likes to be vomited on. Unless they have a weird fetish for it. I don't know what it's called, and I think it sounds way worse than being urinated on, and possibly on par with being shat on...no, vomit isn't as bad as poo. Poo would cause vomit. Anyway, people with vomiting fetishes are weird and sick. But, I don't think I will be unwittingly fulfilling anyone's fantasies about such things today. With my new coping mechanism. It will all be okay. OKAY!
Wait, I still feel nauseous. Still taking a lorazepam before bed tonight. OH GOD. Work should be busier. So that I'm not so time rich while unable to do the things I really need to get done. Like call WINZ and check that they will in fact let me out of the country. And...see Meg. And try to find out where my rail pass is at. And do some washing. And pack my bag(I started last night). And buy some shoes so that I have options other than high chucks or heels whilst in Japan. Aaaaaaand...buy salt and vinegar kettles and some black forst icecream. And Lucas's pawpaw.
I just decided I'm going for a run when I eventually make it home. It might help me relax somewhat. I could be wrong. I think it should help though. Okay. Writing a list. I'm gonna go and have my break. Y'all should hear from me again once I'm ion Japan. Maybe I'll write a crazy sleep deprived one when I get to Narita. Maybe I won't. I might just say things on facebook from time to time and write myself a travel journal instead. YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING!
LOVE YOU XXXXXX
WISH ME LUCK!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
It's Raining
But I'm the happiest girl in the world.
There are probably happier people than me right now, but I'm preeeeetty damn happy. Today, even though I might be at work, is rad. I got the best wake up ever "I'm at your door" YUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
And I leave for Japan in a couple of days. I can't even begin to explain the anxiety I was feeling last night, but I'm doing good now. It'll all be okay. I'm going to print maps of how to get to my hotel to make me feel more secure. I figure if I have all the information ready for me, I'll be okay. I will have done all I can to prepare myself. And I can do no more. And if bad things are going to happen, I can't do anything to stop them. But they probably won't, and I shouldn't work myself into an unable to eat anything anxiety because there's nothing I can do either way. I really almost vomited last night. Such a good sign.
I love Sir Mix A-Lot. He's so awesome.
It's deathly quiet in the office today. So quiet. There's only 5 of us. I realise I should have written the word five then, but I couldn't be bothered.
I'm so dry today. This blog was supposed to be short. I'm going to finish now. Lets just say, life is good. So good. I'm happy. I'm going to put photos on the computer. YES!
There are probably happier people than me right now, but I'm preeeeetty damn happy. Today, even though I might be at work, is rad. I got the best wake up ever "I'm at your door" YUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
And I leave for Japan in a couple of days. I can't even begin to explain the anxiety I was feeling last night, but I'm doing good now. It'll all be okay. I'm going to print maps of how to get to my hotel to make me feel more secure. I figure if I have all the information ready for me, I'll be okay. I will have done all I can to prepare myself. And I can do no more. And if bad things are going to happen, I can't do anything to stop them. But they probably won't, and I shouldn't work myself into an unable to eat anything anxiety because there's nothing I can do either way. I really almost vomited last night. Such a good sign.
I love Sir Mix A-Lot. He's so awesome.
It's deathly quiet in the office today. So quiet. There's only 5 of us. I realise I should have written the word five then, but I couldn't be bothered.
I'm so dry today. This blog was supposed to be short. I'm going to finish now. Lets just say, life is good. So good. I'm happy. I'm going to put photos on the computer. YES!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Fancy Seeing You Here
Oh Hai!
So, I haven't written anything in a while. I'm not even entirely sure what I last blogged about. Probably angry things. I was very angry. I think I'm past the angry now. There's still a bit stashed away, but it's much more healthy. I'm not more healthy though. Which is a shame. I have a cold. I hope it has exited the building by the time I fly out of this country. IN 6 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG! HOLY SHIT! I"M FREAKLKOIN OUT! I can't speak Japanese. I'm going to spend my entire day at work on Sunday, when not looking across the room flirtatiously, printing out oodles of things like maps, and hotel details, and...anything else that I think of. I'm sure there are other things I want to print. I'm totes allowed to print stuff here too.
I just worked out how many yen I should have. Roughly 230,000. Thats almost quarter of a million. It sounds like I'm rich. I know I'm not. Well, actually, I kind of am. Compared to how much money I had this time last year, I'm loaded. I actually quite like looking back at my life this time last year, and comparing it to where I am now. This time last year, shit was rough. I mean, at the start of September, rather than Flying off to Japan, I was having my email and facebook accounts hacked and having a topless photo of myself being sent out to every one of my contacts. That was rad. And then a week after that, which this year, I will still be in Japan, having an awesome time with an awesome lady, I was dumped by a guy that I had fallen for in a huge way. Thanks Dan. Thank you all Dans.
Okay. I just went on my lunch/mission break. I've paid for my rail pass. On credit card. I LOVE YOU CREDIT CARD. I didn't have to. I could have paid with cash. I figure, if I pay with credit, I can transfer my pay next week when it comes through, cos I'll be in Japan, and then I'll be at least back to 0 balance, if not slightly in credit. And I'm getting holiday pay for the duration of my journey, which is rad, especially considering I only have maybe 4 days worth of holiday pay accrued. I'M SO EXCITED! i TRIED TO BUY MY HUNDREDS oh shit caps, of thousands of yen, but no one was carrying. I'll have to go to travelex. I might just go to the one in Auckland on my way out of the country because it's not like I'll have anything better to do to fill my time while waiting to leave the country.
My brow is currently furrowed. FURROWED. I just enjoy caps. Don't tell me you just vomited your meal and not offer explanation as to why. Oh wait, oh nup. I asked if he was okay, I got a "Yep. Strange." Reply, which doesn't actually...oh wait, okay. He said he'll be okay. Probably just stress related. Cool. I understand this whole stress/anxiety related puking thing. Kinda links back to an early paragraph. THE DANS PARAGRAPH. Because as I'm sure you all remember, there was a lot of puking in the month of September. And probably October too. I don't remember October all that well though. I can't think of anything in particular that happened that would help me to differentiate it from the rest of the year. Okay. Probably shouldn't put such large mouthfuls of cookie in mah mouth when I'm on the phones. I wasn't talking when Iput it in my mouth, but then the phone rang, and well, I had a mouth full of cookie so I couldn't answer, and then by the time I was almost ready they hung up. A lot of people call because their bus is a couple of minutes late, and then while they're waiting for their call to be picked up the bus arrives.
This blog is actually just a stream of thought. I'm...I was going to appologise. I then realised, no, the stream of thought blogging technique is probably at least 70% of my blogs charm. If it doesn't have that, what does it have? Probably nothing. Angry rants. Nothing and angry rants. I realise angry rants cancel out the nothing aspect of my blog, but you get the idea. I'm not even on drugs anymore. Well, I still have drugs sometimes. Because they're awesome. But, I've certainly cut down from my daily consumption to maybe once, twice a week. I think that's a healthy level. My lungs don't like spots very much anymore though. They also fuck me up real good. I had 2 on Sunday night, and I was maaaaashed.
Just so you know, this blog has taken many hours. I still haven't been to the dentist. I probably should have. I'll go when I get back. Yup. Procrastination man. Sheesh. It's a problem I have. I think a time management course sounds rather magical. Perhaps I'll get a better hold of my life. When I get home tonight, I'm going to make some delicious vegetable something. Maybe some couscous. Cos that shit's mint. And I have heaps of mushrooms and....zuchinnis. And spinach. And feta. I love feta. I would eat it with spinach and mushrooms every day for the rest of my life quite happily. Maybe not every day cos I'd get bored, but, I think I could eat it for quite some time and be content. But anyway, I'm going to make dinner for tonight, and lunch for tomorrow, and then I'm going to have a shower, and treat my thrush(fucking thrush. Day 3 of treatment. Tonight is the final night. So unpleasant. I don't enjoy the creamy vag).
YUS!!!!! Okay. I'm gonna go and stop rambling and instead have a perv at the reason why I'm working every day up until Tuesday when I leave the city. I need to learn how to say no. I really do. At least I'll have more money. Yeah, I'm working on Saturday. I meant to talk about that before. I didn't. I need to learn. MUST LEARN.
Also, before I leave, I decided on my bus today that I'm going to write a rambling travel journal thing. It will probably be just like this, but on paper instead. I may or may not publish portions of it in the future. Maybe. We'll see. Or I might just keep it to laugh at myself when I get old.
Loves y'all
So, I haven't written anything in a while. I'm not even entirely sure what I last blogged about. Probably angry things. I was very angry. I think I'm past the angry now. There's still a bit stashed away, but it's much more healthy. I'm not more healthy though. Which is a shame. I have a cold. I hope it has exited the building by the time I fly out of this country. IN 6 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG! HOLY SHIT! I"M FREAKLKOIN OUT! I can't speak Japanese. I'm going to spend my entire day at work on Sunday, when not looking across the room flirtatiously, printing out oodles of things like maps, and hotel details, and...anything else that I think of. I'm sure there are other things I want to print. I'm totes allowed to print stuff here too.
I just worked out how many yen I should have. Roughly 230,000. Thats almost quarter of a million. It sounds like I'm rich. I know I'm not. Well, actually, I kind of am. Compared to how much money I had this time last year, I'm loaded. I actually quite like looking back at my life this time last year, and comparing it to where I am now. This time last year, shit was rough. I mean, at the start of September, rather than Flying off to Japan, I was having my email and facebook accounts hacked and having a topless photo of myself being sent out to every one of my contacts. That was rad. And then a week after that, which this year, I will still be in Japan, having an awesome time with an awesome lady, I was dumped by a guy that I had fallen for in a huge way. Thanks Dan. Thank you all Dans.
Okay. I just went on my lunch/mission break. I've paid for my rail pass. On credit card. I LOVE YOU CREDIT CARD. I didn't have to. I could have paid with cash. I figure, if I pay with credit, I can transfer my pay next week when it comes through, cos I'll be in Japan, and then I'll be at least back to 0 balance, if not slightly in credit. And I'm getting holiday pay for the duration of my journey, which is rad, especially considering I only have maybe 4 days worth of holiday pay accrued. I'M SO EXCITED! i TRIED TO BUY MY HUNDREDS oh shit caps, of thousands of yen, but no one was carrying. I'll have to go to travelex. I might just go to the one in Auckland on my way out of the country because it's not like I'll have anything better to do to fill my time while waiting to leave the country.
My brow is currently furrowed. FURROWED. I just enjoy caps. Don't tell me you just vomited your meal and not offer explanation as to why. Oh wait, oh nup. I asked if he was okay, I got a "Yep. Strange." Reply, which doesn't actually...oh wait, okay. He said he'll be okay. Probably just stress related. Cool. I understand this whole stress/anxiety related puking thing. Kinda links back to an early paragraph. THE DANS PARAGRAPH. Because as I'm sure you all remember, there was a lot of puking in the month of September. And probably October too. I don't remember October all that well though. I can't think of anything in particular that happened that would help me to differentiate it from the rest of the year. Okay. Probably shouldn't put such large mouthfuls of cookie in mah mouth when I'm on the phones. I wasn't talking when Iput it in my mouth, but then the phone rang, and well, I had a mouth full of cookie so I couldn't answer, and then by the time I was almost ready they hung up. A lot of people call because their bus is a couple of minutes late, and then while they're waiting for their call to be picked up the bus arrives.
This blog is actually just a stream of thought. I'm...I was going to appologise. I then realised, no, the stream of thought blogging technique is probably at least 70% of my blogs charm. If it doesn't have that, what does it have? Probably nothing. Angry rants. Nothing and angry rants. I realise angry rants cancel out the nothing aspect of my blog, but you get the idea. I'm not even on drugs anymore. Well, I still have drugs sometimes. Because they're awesome. But, I've certainly cut down from my daily consumption to maybe once, twice a week. I think that's a healthy level. My lungs don't like spots very much anymore though. They also fuck me up real good. I had 2 on Sunday night, and I was maaaaashed.
Just so you know, this blog has taken many hours. I still haven't been to the dentist. I probably should have. I'll go when I get back. Yup. Procrastination man. Sheesh. It's a problem I have. I think a time management course sounds rather magical. Perhaps I'll get a better hold of my life. When I get home tonight, I'm going to make some delicious vegetable something. Maybe some couscous. Cos that shit's mint. And I have heaps of mushrooms and....zuchinnis. And spinach. And feta. I love feta. I would eat it with spinach and mushrooms every day for the rest of my life quite happily. Maybe not every day cos I'd get bored, but, I think I could eat it for quite some time and be content. But anyway, I'm going to make dinner for tonight, and lunch for tomorrow, and then I'm going to have a shower, and treat my thrush(fucking thrush. Day 3 of treatment. Tonight is the final night. So unpleasant. I don't enjoy the creamy vag).
YUS!!!!! Okay. I'm gonna go and stop rambling and instead have a perv at the reason why I'm working every day up until Tuesday when I leave the city. I need to learn how to say no. I really do. At least I'll have more money. Yeah, I'm working on Saturday. I meant to talk about that before. I didn't. I need to learn. MUST LEARN.
Also, before I leave, I decided on my bus today that I'm going to write a rambling travel journal thing. It will probably be just like this, but on paper instead. I may or may not publish portions of it in the future. Maybe. We'll see. Or I might just keep it to laugh at myself when I get old.
Loves y'all
Monday, August 16, 2010
I'm in trouble
WITH MY FLATMATE.
Gosh darnit. Well, I assume I'm in trouble. I would be suprised if she wasn't at least slightly angry at me.
So, on Saturday, Matty and I were hanging, and it was rad. We were making tasty tasty food, and having a gay old time. She was playing on facebook. On one of her millions of applications. She has a problem. We were just trying to help in the way that has helped both of us many times. By a little bit of friendly shit giving. We didn't expect her to have a spaz, and start crying. I start laughing every time I think about it. Shit was hilarious. I mean, really. "Just shut up okay, it's my only vice and wah wah wah". We stopped. She then had a cigarette with Matty. She's weak. Anyway. So, afterwards she apologised, and I tried to explain that it was just friendly shit giving, because she does have a problem(honestly, she has so many she could spend a whole day on them and still be able to do more shit), and we're just trying to help the way that we know works (I would like to site my physical aggression and inability to say "th"s as success stories for this method). She almost started crying again so I dropped it.
She went out later on(after her bf did his typical jealous thing and I stated that I had "nothing to say on the matter" because I'm sick of hearing the same shit every time, and her not listening to a word I say on the matter). That was fine, she can do whatever she wants, APART from showering at 3am when she gets home. That is NOT cool. I'm real angry about it. Still. And that was 2 days ago. My room is right next to the bathroom. The shower is directly through the wall, next to my head when I sleep. HOW CAN YOU BE SO INCONSIDERATE? And because I got woken up(initially I thought it was just the light going on because the fan is noisy and she can't help that so I wasn't angry), I had to pee, and she was in the bathroom, and I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep until I'd peed, so I popped a squat on the slab outside. And then I went back to bed, and I couldn't get to sleep, because she was in the shower and making heaps of noise, so I sent her a text saying "Thanks for waking me up." I didn't get back to sleep before she sent me a reply saying "Sorry." By this stage I'd spent 20 minutes building some massive rage because I was so frustrated and unable to get back to sleep and couldn't believe how inconsiderate she was being. So in reply to her sorry text, I sent one back saying:
"It would be cool if next time when you get home at 3am you remember that your flatmate who has issues sleeping has work at 10 and her head is right next to the shower"
SHe didn't reply after that. She wasn't home last night. There were more dishes when I got home. SO MANY DISHES. I have flatmate rage. I'm the only motherfucker who does anything anymore.I do realise I'm the only one home a lot of the time, but that doesn't stop them from coming home, creating dishes, and leaving again. Thursday night is a prime example of this. I did all the dishes before anyone got home. Clean slate. Rach was cooking Louse and I dinner, which is nice, thanks for that. And Hans cooked Simone dinner. Cool. How sweet. NEITHER OF THEM CLEANED UP AFTER. Like, couldn't even rinse the dishes. LEAVE THE EMPTY CANS IN THE SINK WITH WATER IN THEM. YOu don't have to soak it. Just rinse it, maybe scrub it a smidge, the foods still fresh, it'll come right off. That way, when I do them, I don't have to wash them all twice because I'm OCD about the cleanliness of my dishes. And it would be nice if there wasn't food sitting on the plates, especially the ones they've piled up in the sink. I'M SO ANGRY!
Okay. That's actually all the angry I have to get out I think. My neck is itchy. It's lame.
Yesterday was actually an AWESOME day. I worked. It was rad. RAD. YES! So good. So so good. Nom nom nom nom nom. No penetration it's true, but I'm preeeeeeeetty content all the same. It actually is only a matter of time. It's just round the corner. Annnnnny day now. I'm real happy with that part. REAL HAPPY. Filled with joy. Over the moon.
I'm gonna go have a cuppa. It's 8:14am. WAY TOO EARLY. Shits real funny.
OVER AND OUT XOXOXOXOXO
Gosh darnit. Well, I assume I'm in trouble. I would be suprised if she wasn't at least slightly angry at me.
So, on Saturday, Matty and I were hanging, and it was rad. We were making tasty tasty food, and having a gay old time. She was playing on facebook. On one of her millions of applications. She has a problem. We were just trying to help in the way that has helped both of us many times. By a little bit of friendly shit giving. We didn't expect her to have a spaz, and start crying. I start laughing every time I think about it. Shit was hilarious. I mean, really. "Just shut up okay, it's my only vice and wah wah wah". We stopped. She then had a cigarette with Matty. She's weak. Anyway. So, afterwards she apologised, and I tried to explain that it was just friendly shit giving, because she does have a problem(honestly, she has so many she could spend a whole day on them and still be able to do more shit), and we're just trying to help the way that we know works (I would like to site my physical aggression and inability to say "th"s as success stories for this method). She almost started crying again so I dropped it.
She went out later on(after her bf did his typical jealous thing and I stated that I had "nothing to say on the matter" because I'm sick of hearing the same shit every time, and her not listening to a word I say on the matter). That was fine, she can do whatever she wants, APART from showering at 3am when she gets home. That is NOT cool. I'm real angry about it. Still. And that was 2 days ago. My room is right next to the bathroom. The shower is directly through the wall, next to my head when I sleep. HOW CAN YOU BE SO INCONSIDERATE? And because I got woken up(initially I thought it was just the light going on because the fan is noisy and she can't help that so I wasn't angry), I had to pee, and she was in the bathroom, and I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep until I'd peed, so I popped a squat on the slab outside. And then I went back to bed, and I couldn't get to sleep, because she was in the shower and making heaps of noise, so I sent her a text saying "Thanks for waking me up." I didn't get back to sleep before she sent me a reply saying "Sorry." By this stage I'd spent 20 minutes building some massive rage because I was so frustrated and unable to get back to sleep and couldn't believe how inconsiderate she was being. So in reply to her sorry text, I sent one back saying:
"It would be cool if next time when you get home at 3am you remember that your flatmate who has issues sleeping has work at 10 and her head is right next to the shower"
SHe didn't reply after that. She wasn't home last night. There were more dishes when I got home. SO MANY DISHES. I have flatmate rage. I'm the only motherfucker who does anything anymore.I do realise I'm the only one home a lot of the time, but that doesn't stop them from coming home, creating dishes, and leaving again. Thursday night is a prime example of this. I did all the dishes before anyone got home. Clean slate. Rach was cooking Louse and I dinner, which is nice, thanks for that. And Hans cooked Simone dinner. Cool. How sweet. NEITHER OF THEM CLEANED UP AFTER. Like, couldn't even rinse the dishes. LEAVE THE EMPTY CANS IN THE SINK WITH WATER IN THEM. YOu don't have to soak it. Just rinse it, maybe scrub it a smidge, the foods still fresh, it'll come right off. That way, when I do them, I don't have to wash them all twice because I'm OCD about the cleanliness of my dishes. And it would be nice if there wasn't food sitting on the plates, especially the ones they've piled up in the sink. I'M SO ANGRY!
Okay. That's actually all the angry I have to get out I think. My neck is itchy. It's lame.
Yesterday was actually an AWESOME day. I worked. It was rad. RAD. YES! So good. So so good. Nom nom nom nom nom. No penetration it's true, but I'm preeeeeeeetty content all the same. It actually is only a matter of time. It's just round the corner. Annnnnny day now. I'm real happy with that part. REAL HAPPY. Filled with joy. Over the moon.
I'm gonna go have a cuppa. It's 8:14am. WAY TOO EARLY. Shits real funny.
OVER AND OUT XOXOXOXOXO
Monday, August 9, 2010
A smidge on the ANGRY side.
I'm a bit angry today. Frustrated mostly. SO MUCH FRUSTRATION!
So. I'm in reception. Again. Because there's a divisional meeting(something to do with all the transport staff), and the lady who's normally doing reception(she does a bunch of other stuff so it's okay for her, I just sit here blankly) is at the meeting too. So. Boredom. And angry. Because He made me do reception. He was trying to get me to draw pictures while I'm here. I'm not drawing crap. He wanted me to draw a swan or a chicken or...he started suggesting yaks and bullshit like that. I'm not going to. NOt for someone who spends all their time(not actually but it feels like it) leading me on. I'm so annoyed at him right now. I can't even explain it. It makes me want to angry cry with tears of frustration. Fuck him. Or not. I don't care anymore. I do. But I don't want to. And therefore, I'm going to try and convince myself I don't care. And maybe that will work. Or maybe it won't. At least I'm trying. I WANT TO HAVE SEX SO BAD. I don't want TA sex either. It's nice that he likes me, and he thinks I'm hot, and I'm quite happy just babbling bullshit at him, but I want to have sex with someone hotter. I hope I get my ID back this week. I need to get laid. It's so hard to fight the angry without the sex or the cigarettes.
Speaking of cigarettes. I wish to bad mouth my flatmate for a bit. Because she's driving me insane with her shit. Yesterday, after being at the supermarket, Toula picked me up with Lynne and Alex. This is at like, 4pm. Not an unreasonable time to have friends over on a Sunday afternoon. Or so one would think. Apparently it wasn't acceptable not to warn her first. I don't know what she would have said if I asked anyway. Probably no. This is how the conversation went shortly after I arrived home with 3 of my closest friends.
"It would be nice if you asked first before bringing your friends round when you know that I've got an assignment due the next day"
"Oh(confused), sorry? I didn't think it would be an issue"
"Well, my assignment's due tomorrow and you and your friends are getting high, and I've spent all day cleaning"
"You didn't have to do the cleaning. I could have done it"
"If I didn't do it, it wouldn't get done"
"I only have one day off a week. I don't have a lot of time, but I would have gotten there"
"I only have 2 days off and I'm hardly here"
:"You didn't have to do it"
"Just let me know next time okay?"
"Sure."
Don't blame me for your procrastination. Own your own shit. You've been up since 9am, you vacuumed before9:30. On a Sunday. My one day to have a sleep in. IT WAS MY ONLY DAY OFF IN 12 DAYS! I wasn't even home until 3:30am on Sunday. Honestly. You're so inconsiderate it's amazing. I didn't realise that someone could be as hypocritical and inconsiderate. ALL THE TIME! I don't care if you're going through shit. I honestly, don't care anymore. I'm over caring. You know why? Because she doesn't listen to me when I tell her stuff that is true, and helpful. Like about her boyfriend. I'm sorry, he's never going to trust you. Never. If he doesn't now, when you're at the 6 month mark, he NEVER will. I know. I lived this. I spent 6 years hoping that Daniel would trust me. I did everything to try and ensure that there was no reason for him not to trust me. I never did a single thing wrong. And yet, never, ever trusted me. And you're fairytale bullshit dreams? Really? Domestic bliss isn't going to be what it is, if you do happen to make it to the end of the year and still be in a relationship. "We're going to get our own place and it's going to have a bath and a nice(I think that's what she said) kitchen, and he's going to build me a bunny hutch in the back yard" VOMIT. NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. I'm really ragey at her presently. If you're still reading, I'm sorry. I hope she never finds this. God. I would get in so much trouble.
I really need to pee. I don't think I'm done ranting. I can't think about anything other than urination presently though. I don't know if I'm allowed to get up from reception. What if someone calls? What if...? I don't know! Okay. I went. It was the best decision I've ever made.
Oh. I'm returning to my rant now. This time, I'm moving to the smoking subject. Why did she decide she was going to quit? Because she hasn't. She's just bludging off others. I ever saw her down at the Assyrian Centre on Saturday night scabbing a smoke off a skeezy as man, that normally she would threaten to kick in the nuts if he so much as looked at her funny. I'm sorry, but if I was doing that, I would just start smoking again. She clearly isn't ready. She was even getting accolades for the fact that she had cut down so dramatically. IT DOESN'T COUNT. Sure, I could have cut down if I was just scabbing smokes off other people rather than manning up and buying a packet. She was supposedly quitting on the same day as me. She hasn't. I have. Still real proud of myself. I was drinking on Saturday night(I'm going to expand on other aspects of this next paragraph) and I got quite drunk, and I REALLY wanted to smoke. I had a puff. A single puff. And that was all. I feel like I've written this already. I don't think I have though...have I? I'm sure I didn't go...wait. Did I blog when I was drunk? I'll check that one...Nope. It's okay. I could have caved and had a whole cigarette. I could have enough just smoked all night. But I didn't. And for that, I reckon I should get a bitchload of credit.
So Saturday drinking. Well. It was me, Hans, Louse,Simonica, and Jack. Jack is a tranz...I can't remember if it's tranz boy or girl. I can never remember which is which. Anyway. He used to be a girl. Is taking testosterone. Still has breasts, not huge ones, but definitely breasts. So. There comes a time in the night, where it suddenly becomes a topless party. I'm wearin a bra, so is S and L(hers was actually a binder) and Jack is completely topless. With breasts. With a hairy chest. IT WAS SO DISTRACTING! I didn't know where to look. I couldn't look away though. He has larger nipples than me. I think mine are kinda small. Especially when you compare them to the overall size of my breasts. I also felt up Louse's breast because I was like "Noooooo, I can't believe that we're the same size" I don't think that I gained any real insight about if our boobs are the same size or not, but I did manage to awkward myself out real bad. I'm not supposed to be feeling her titties. It's just not right. So, she decided that we have the same size boobs, it's just that mine are bigger compared to my overall body size. That worked for me. Made sense.
I was supposed to be going to dance class tonight. It isn't happening because I'm a pushover and I swapped shifts with Matt and I don't finish until 9 now. It's lame. I'm feeling quite down about it. At least I have delicious food to eat. I made some vege lasagne last night. I may have over salted the eggplant ever so slightly. Just a tiny bit...It's just lucky I didn't salt the rest of the dish. I should have done more pumpkin too but I really couldn't be bothered. I'm hungry. Flopi isn't going to make me not hungry. Although apparently it contains fiber. I don't quite understand how that works, but they sure are tasty.
I'm gonna check my facebook. I think I have my ranting done for the day. I'm feeling much calmer. Perhaps a little sleepy in fact. I could so go for a nap.
So. I'm in reception. Again. Because there's a divisional meeting(something to do with all the transport staff), and the lady who's normally doing reception(she does a bunch of other stuff so it's okay for her, I just sit here blankly) is at the meeting too. So. Boredom. And angry. Because He made me do reception. He was trying to get me to draw pictures while I'm here. I'm not drawing crap. He wanted me to draw a swan or a chicken or...he started suggesting yaks and bullshit like that. I'm not going to. NOt for someone who spends all their time(not actually but it feels like it) leading me on. I'm so annoyed at him right now. I can't even explain it. It makes me want to angry cry with tears of frustration. Fuck him. Or not. I don't care anymore. I do. But I don't want to. And therefore, I'm going to try and convince myself I don't care. And maybe that will work. Or maybe it won't. At least I'm trying. I WANT TO HAVE SEX SO BAD. I don't want TA sex either. It's nice that he likes me, and he thinks I'm hot, and I'm quite happy just babbling bullshit at him, but I want to have sex with someone hotter. I hope I get my ID back this week. I need to get laid. It's so hard to fight the angry without the sex or the cigarettes.
Speaking of cigarettes. I wish to bad mouth my flatmate for a bit. Because she's driving me insane with her shit. Yesterday, after being at the supermarket, Toula picked me up with Lynne and Alex. This is at like, 4pm. Not an unreasonable time to have friends over on a Sunday afternoon. Or so one would think. Apparently it wasn't acceptable not to warn her first. I don't know what she would have said if I asked anyway. Probably no. This is how the conversation went shortly after I arrived home with 3 of my closest friends.
"It would be nice if you asked first before bringing your friends round when you know that I've got an assignment due the next day"
"Oh(confused), sorry? I didn't think it would be an issue"
"Well, my assignment's due tomorrow and you and your friends are getting high, and I've spent all day cleaning"
"You didn't have to do the cleaning. I could have done it"
"If I didn't do it, it wouldn't get done"
"I only have one day off a week. I don't have a lot of time, but I would have gotten there"
"I only have 2 days off and I'm hardly here"
:"You didn't have to do it"
"Just let me know next time okay?"
"Sure."
Don't blame me for your procrastination. Own your own shit. You've been up since 9am, you vacuumed before9:30. On a Sunday. My one day to have a sleep in. IT WAS MY ONLY DAY OFF IN 12 DAYS! I wasn't even home until 3:30am on Sunday. Honestly. You're so inconsiderate it's amazing. I didn't realise that someone could be as hypocritical and inconsiderate. ALL THE TIME! I don't care if you're going through shit. I honestly, don't care anymore. I'm over caring. You know why? Because she doesn't listen to me when I tell her stuff that is true, and helpful. Like about her boyfriend. I'm sorry, he's never going to trust you. Never. If he doesn't now, when you're at the 6 month mark, he NEVER will. I know. I lived this. I spent 6 years hoping that Daniel would trust me. I did everything to try and ensure that there was no reason for him not to trust me. I never did a single thing wrong. And yet, never, ever trusted me. And you're fairytale bullshit dreams? Really? Domestic bliss isn't going to be what it is, if you do happen to make it to the end of the year and still be in a relationship. "We're going to get our own place and it's going to have a bath and a nice(I think that's what she said) kitchen, and he's going to build me a bunny hutch in the back yard" VOMIT. NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. I'm really ragey at her presently. If you're still reading, I'm sorry. I hope she never finds this. God. I would get in so much trouble.
I really need to pee. I don't think I'm done ranting. I can't think about anything other than urination presently though. I don't know if I'm allowed to get up from reception. What if someone calls? What if...? I don't know! Okay. I went. It was the best decision I've ever made.
Oh. I'm returning to my rant now. This time, I'm moving to the smoking subject. Why did she decide she was going to quit? Because she hasn't. She's just bludging off others. I ever saw her down at the Assyrian Centre on Saturday night scabbing a smoke off a skeezy as man, that normally she would threaten to kick in the nuts if he so much as looked at her funny. I'm sorry, but if I was doing that, I would just start smoking again. She clearly isn't ready. She was even getting accolades for the fact that she had cut down so dramatically. IT DOESN'T COUNT. Sure, I could have cut down if I was just scabbing smokes off other people rather than manning up and buying a packet. She was supposedly quitting on the same day as me. She hasn't. I have. Still real proud of myself. I was drinking on Saturday night(I'm going to expand on other aspects of this next paragraph) and I got quite drunk, and I REALLY wanted to smoke. I had a puff. A single puff. And that was all. I feel like I've written this already. I don't think I have though...have I? I'm sure I didn't go...wait. Did I blog when I was drunk? I'll check that one...Nope. It's okay. I could have caved and had a whole cigarette. I could have enough just smoked all night. But I didn't. And for that, I reckon I should get a bitchload of credit.
So Saturday drinking. Well. It was me, Hans, Louse,Simonica, and Jack. Jack is a tranz...I can't remember if it's tranz boy or girl. I can never remember which is which. Anyway. He used to be a girl. Is taking testosterone. Still has breasts, not huge ones, but definitely breasts. So. There comes a time in the night, where it suddenly becomes a topless party. I'm wearin a bra, so is S and L(hers was actually a binder) and Jack is completely topless. With breasts. With a hairy chest. IT WAS SO DISTRACTING! I didn't know where to look. I couldn't look away though. He has larger nipples than me. I think mine are kinda small. Especially when you compare them to the overall size of my breasts. I also felt up Louse's breast because I was like "Noooooo, I can't believe that we're the same size" I don't think that I gained any real insight about if our boobs are the same size or not, but I did manage to awkward myself out real bad. I'm not supposed to be feeling her titties. It's just not right. So, she decided that we have the same size boobs, it's just that mine are bigger compared to my overall body size. That worked for me. Made sense.
I was supposed to be going to dance class tonight. It isn't happening because I'm a pushover and I swapped shifts with Matt and I don't finish until 9 now. It's lame. I'm feeling quite down about it. At least I have delicious food to eat. I made some vege lasagne last night. I may have over salted the eggplant ever so slightly. Just a tiny bit...It's just lucky I didn't salt the rest of the dish. I should have done more pumpkin too but I really couldn't be bothered. I'm hungry. Flopi isn't going to make me not hungry. Although apparently it contains fiber. I don't quite understand how that works, but they sure are tasty.
I'm gonna check my facebook. I think I have my ranting done for the day. I'm feeling much calmer. Perhaps a little sleepy in fact. I could so go for a nap.
Friday, August 6, 2010
He has that look in his eyes again.
The time is near.
He wants to rip my clothes off.
I made the right choice when getting dressed today.
I'm so aroused.
It's so close.
I can almost taste it.
I wasn't actually going to turn that into a random poem thing, but it happened. I'M SO EXCITED! Any day now. Any day.
I'm going to get GILF tattooed across my knuckles when I'm old. Because you know I will be. I'm gonna have tittes to africa by then(We were just discussing the GILF tattoo in the office in case you were wondering what inspired that....).
The time is near.
He wants to rip my clothes off.
I made the right choice when getting dressed today.
I'm so aroused.
It's so close.
I can almost taste it.
I wasn't actually going to turn that into a random poem thing, but it happened. I'M SO EXCITED! Any day now. Any day.
I'm going to get GILF tattooed across my knuckles when I'm old. Because you know I will be. I'm gonna have tittes to africa by then(We were just discussing the GILF tattoo in the office in case you were wondering what inspired that....).
BOREDOM BLOGGING
I. Am bored. So I'm going to blog. Blog blog blog. It's something to do while I'm down in reception, answering the zero phone calls and talking to all the no people around here. They're all off visiting the train. I just put my sweater on and my hair got all staticy. Awesome. Yeah, so pretty much everyone in transport has gone to have a squiz at the train, and I got sent down to reception to cover it, and I would much rather be upstairs answering calls, shooting sexy glances across the room with my provocatively tight clothing and amazing cleavage. Yeah, that's right. My cleavage is amazing. You know it. I should have taken the total mobility stuff with me after all. Aw yus. Tarsh is bringing them down for me. It's sad that I'm excited by this. So so sad.
So last night, I got a bit angry/depressed/I'm not entirely sure what the emotion was, but it was leading to self destruction. I only had 2 vodkas. I also cried. I walked in the door, no one was home, and I just started crying. I don't really understand it. I think, it was the bus ride, and all that time to think about things. It's good when I have a book to read on the way home because it stops me from fixating on all the small shit. Or the big stuff as it may be. Mostly, sexual frustration, surrounding the man I want in my pants more than anyone else but seem to be finding it impossible to achieve. I need to talk to him. Not via text. In person. And tell him it's making me mental. Because it is. I mean, I'm pretty hot. I could have a lot of guys if I wanted. But I really want him. But if he doesn't want to bang me, then he should say. We all know how much I hate not knowing.
BUT I think I made some serious progress today. In that, um, he texted me this morning, cos he was bored, and he wanted to be stimulated. I asked what kind of stimulation. He said visual. I sent a pretty excellent picture. It didn't include any genitals. Or nipple. But it was pretty good. So good in fact, that it elicited the response of "I want to fuck you right now". That's pretty much what I was aiming for. And a positive step towards getting what I want. I'm pretty sure he's going to stick to his promise of banging in return for my non smoking. I'm doing so well! I would have caved last night if there was tobacco around. I think. In saying this, when I got home, I got my greens, and I was going to smoke it. But then I got to the oven, and I couldn't bring myself to turn on the knives. I actually don't want to fail on my quitting. I'm real proud of myself for making it this far. I know a lot of people struggle even getting to this point, so I feel like I deserve to give myself a lot of credit.
I'm hungry. So hungry. Okay, I have some things I can do now so I'm gonna do them. SCHWEET!
XOXO (imagine the gossip girl voice saying that)
So last night, I got a bit angry/depressed/I'm not entirely sure what the emotion was, but it was leading to self destruction. I only had 2 vodkas. I also cried. I walked in the door, no one was home, and I just started crying. I don't really understand it. I think, it was the bus ride, and all that time to think about things. It's good when I have a book to read on the way home because it stops me from fixating on all the small shit. Or the big stuff as it may be. Mostly, sexual frustration, surrounding the man I want in my pants more than anyone else but seem to be finding it impossible to achieve. I need to talk to him. Not via text. In person. And tell him it's making me mental. Because it is. I mean, I'm pretty hot. I could have a lot of guys if I wanted. But I really want him. But if he doesn't want to bang me, then he should say. We all know how much I hate not knowing.
BUT I think I made some serious progress today. In that, um, he texted me this morning, cos he was bored, and he wanted to be stimulated. I asked what kind of stimulation. He said visual. I sent a pretty excellent picture. It didn't include any genitals. Or nipple. But it was pretty good. So good in fact, that it elicited the response of "I want to fuck you right now". That's pretty much what I was aiming for. And a positive step towards getting what I want. I'm pretty sure he's going to stick to his promise of banging in return for my non smoking. I'm doing so well! I would have caved last night if there was tobacco around. I think. In saying this, when I got home, I got my greens, and I was going to smoke it. But then I got to the oven, and I couldn't bring myself to turn on the knives. I actually don't want to fail on my quitting. I'm real proud of myself for making it this far. I know a lot of people struggle even getting to this point, so I feel like I deserve to give myself a lot of credit.
I'm hungry. So hungry. Okay, I have some things I can do now so I'm gonna do them. SCHWEET!
XOXO (imagine the gossip girl voice saying that)
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
A monkey ate my soup.
It didn't really. I don't even know any monkeys. Or where I would find one other than at the zoo, and I'm at work, which is ages away from the zoo, so it's totally not possible. I don't even have soup today, I have stir fry.
I am SO tired. Argh! I still can't sleep properly. I'm so exhausted, yet I can't sleep through the night. It's driving me insane. I was wide awake at 4am. I was so awake, that I contemplated getting up and going for a run, but then I looked at the time, and decided that probably wasn't the best idea. The streets of Newtown are dangerous. And 4am is no time to be running. Maybe I'll start doing erratic runs. I'm going to go for a sweet run tomorrow when I get up. It's going to be 6kms. I hope it's not raining. That would be a bit shit. I went for my run with Annie. It was 4.5kms. I'm gonna wrap up this blog tout suite(I don't know that that is the correct spelling, but I'ma roll with it all the same). It's real short huh.
I'm just gonna say it now, because I know she doesn't read my blogs...wait...this might come back to bite me in the ass. I won't say it. All I can say, is that I'm going to beat smokings ass. I'm determined not to fail...while in Wellington...I'm going to include an out of the country clause. And...yeah. I don't know what else I was going to say. Probably because I don't actually have anything to say.
I've almost finished reading Roomanitarian by Henry Rollins. I quite enjoy it. I'm going to finish reading it tonight. I've been trying reading until I'm pretty much asleep. It works, but then I wake up a few hours later. SO STRANGE! But tomorrow, I'm gonna give it back to my boss. Cos it's his book. Yeah, that's right. Sucking up to the boss. Sucking off the boss. SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK OMG.
I'm making lemon meringue pie tonight. It should be delicious. I'm going to make sure everything(mostly the meringue) is super whipped to ensure extra deliciousness. And then it will be beautifully glossy also. I'm excited. It's going to pass the time most excellently.
OVER AND OUT.
I am SO tired. Argh! I still can't sleep properly. I'm so exhausted, yet I can't sleep through the night. It's driving me insane. I was wide awake at 4am. I was so awake, that I contemplated getting up and going for a run, but then I looked at the time, and decided that probably wasn't the best idea. The streets of Newtown are dangerous. And 4am is no time to be running. Maybe I'll start doing erratic runs. I'm going to go for a sweet run tomorrow when I get up. It's going to be 6kms. I hope it's not raining. That would be a bit shit. I went for my run with Annie. It was 4.5kms. I'm gonna wrap up this blog tout suite(I don't know that that is the correct spelling, but I'ma roll with it all the same). It's real short huh.
I'm just gonna say it now, because I know she doesn't read my blogs...wait...this might come back to bite me in the ass. I won't say it. All I can say, is that I'm going to beat smokings ass. I'm determined not to fail...while in Wellington...I'm going to include an out of the country clause. And...yeah. I don't know what else I was going to say. Probably because I don't actually have anything to say.
I've almost finished reading Roomanitarian by Henry Rollins. I quite enjoy it. I'm going to finish reading it tonight. I've been trying reading until I'm pretty much asleep. It works, but then I wake up a few hours later. SO STRANGE! But tomorrow, I'm gonna give it back to my boss. Cos it's his book. Yeah, that's right. Sucking up to the boss. Sucking off the boss. SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK OMG.
I'm making lemon meringue pie tonight. It should be delicious. I'm going to make sure everything(mostly the meringue) is super whipped to ensure extra deliciousness. And then it will be beautifully glossy also. I'm excited. It's going to pass the time most excellently.
OVER AND OUT.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Burning Time
I have so much time to kill now. It's ridiculous. What do people do when they don't smoke anything? Last night I read like...a third of a book. That's a lot. This is a book that I've been trying to read but keep getting interrupted. So, I just sat there, and read it. Not all of it, I still have another third to go, but ya know, that's more reading in one night than I'd managed to achieve in at least a month.
Tonight I'm going to take Annie for a run. SO much pent up energy. And I hurt. And I once heard, that exercise is good for cramps, and seeing as I can't use my regular pain relief, I may as give this exercise crap a crack. I really timed things well. I guess, if I couldn't do it now, I wouldn't have been able to do it at any other point, like, I may as well do it when it's tricky, than try when it's supposedly easy.
Work is kinda lame today. He's being funny. I'm not sure if he actually is or not. I knew this would be a potential issue. I was warned right at the start, he wasn't being cold, he just, yeah. And I understand that, but at the same time I don't think there's enough open dialogue between us to really know where things are at. I'm pretty much an open book. I don't know if he is because I don't know what questions would get me the answers I want. OW! I remember why I hate bleeding. Damn. I really need to go to the doctors. I should get myself some hayfever stuff before I leave the country. I really need to get more pills too. I could just go to FPA, but then hayfever...what if I get really bad hayfever in Japan? I have no idea if the flora is going to set me off. But if I go to FPA I can get an STI test, which I should probably have done, just to know I'm all good, even though I'm pretty sure I am. I should be. I'd rather be safe than sorry though. I wonder if I need a smear too...I normally get them at the same time because if they're sticking the pelican up there I may as well have them scrape a little more of my wall and get the whole shibang. Maybe I'll just do that. And buy some hayfever stuff separately. Yeah. I'll do that. It'll be rad.
I can't stop using the word rad. I just can't. I need it. It makes me whole. Complete. Entire. I don't need a relationship, I have rad to make everything alright. It'll spoon me at night. It won't leave me waiting in the cold. It won't say it wants to do something with me and then bail at the last minute. Yeah, me and rad, we go way back.
I didn't get much sleep last night. Again. It's rough. I need some sleep. Some proper sleep. The problem is that there's the non smoking electricity running through my veins, I think it's called oxygen which was previously carbon monoxide. Anyway. I'm so tired, yet incapable of sleep, because my body isn't tired enough. But it should be, because like, yesterday, I got up, did some skipping, went for a walk every break I had, went to pole dancing after work...that should be heaps. That's at least 2 hours of light to moderate exercise. That's more than some people do in a week. Admittedly, I normally get at least 30 minutes exercise a day, because I have sexual frustration issues that can't be addressed so I have to exercise it out. I think the no weed thing isn't helping the sleep.
Today, I've already danced like a spaz for 20 minutes(I tried skipping inside cos I wanted music but there were too many obstacles and I wasn't getting any skipping done and figured jumping around erratically is probably just as, if not more, effective. I just don't have a calorie counter to tell me I've burnt 100 calories, or how many skips I've done, or how long I've been doing it for. THis information is must be mostly incorrect because I'm not sure how it accounts for whipping yourself, or things like that. Also, it takes me much longer than just under 9 minutes. My dancing included power squats. What makes a squat powerful you ask? Well...tip toes. I can't explain it any further than that. I've decided I'm going to learn how to do the splits. It's a long term goal. I don't think it's going to happen this year even, but it will happen. Also today, I've walked for at like, 35 minutes. Because each break, I'm like "ARGH! I WANT A CIGARETTE!" But I can't, so I walk instead.
Okay. I'm gonna read some book and stop boring you with talk about exercise and how much I want to smoke. I'[m going to join in the office conversation. And then read the book. I'M GOING TO FINISH IT IN THE NEXT 2 DAYS!
Tonight I'm going to take Annie for a run. SO much pent up energy. And I hurt. And I once heard, that exercise is good for cramps, and seeing as I can't use my regular pain relief, I may as give this exercise crap a crack. I really timed things well. I guess, if I couldn't do it now, I wouldn't have been able to do it at any other point, like, I may as well do it when it's tricky, than try when it's supposedly easy.
Work is kinda lame today. He's being funny. I'm not sure if he actually is or not. I knew this would be a potential issue. I was warned right at the start, he wasn't being cold, he just, yeah. And I understand that, but at the same time I don't think there's enough open dialogue between us to really know where things are at. I'm pretty much an open book. I don't know if he is because I don't know what questions would get me the answers I want. OW! I remember why I hate bleeding. Damn. I really need to go to the doctors. I should get myself some hayfever stuff before I leave the country. I really need to get more pills too. I could just go to FPA, but then hayfever...what if I get really bad hayfever in Japan? I have no idea if the flora is going to set me off. But if I go to FPA I can get an STI test, which I should probably have done, just to know I'm all good, even though I'm pretty sure I am. I should be. I'd rather be safe than sorry though. I wonder if I need a smear too...I normally get them at the same time because if they're sticking the pelican up there I may as well have them scrape a little more of my wall and get the whole shibang. Maybe I'll just do that. And buy some hayfever stuff separately. Yeah. I'll do that. It'll be rad.
I can't stop using the word rad. I just can't. I need it. It makes me whole. Complete. Entire. I don't need a relationship, I have rad to make everything alright. It'll spoon me at night. It won't leave me waiting in the cold. It won't say it wants to do something with me and then bail at the last minute. Yeah, me and rad, we go way back.
I didn't get much sleep last night. Again. It's rough. I need some sleep. Some proper sleep. The problem is that there's the non smoking electricity running through my veins, I think it's called oxygen which was previously carbon monoxide. Anyway. I'm so tired, yet incapable of sleep, because my body isn't tired enough. But it should be, because like, yesterday, I got up, did some skipping, went for a walk every break I had, went to pole dancing after work...that should be heaps. That's at least 2 hours of light to moderate exercise. That's more than some people do in a week. Admittedly, I normally get at least 30 minutes exercise a day, because I have sexual frustration issues that can't be addressed so I have to exercise it out. I think the no weed thing isn't helping the sleep.
Today, I've already danced like a spaz for 20 minutes(I tried skipping inside cos I wanted music but there were too many obstacles and I wasn't getting any skipping done and figured jumping around erratically is probably just as, if not more, effective. I just don't have a calorie counter to tell me I've burnt 100 calories, or how many skips I've done, or how long I've been doing it for. THis information is must be mostly incorrect because I'm not sure how it accounts for whipping yourself, or things like that. Also, it takes me much longer than just under 9 minutes. My dancing included power squats. What makes a squat powerful you ask? Well...tip toes. I can't explain it any further than that. I've decided I'm going to learn how to do the splits. It's a long term goal. I don't think it's going to happen this year even, but it will happen. Also today, I've walked for at like, 35 minutes. Because each break, I'm like "ARGH! I WANT A CIGARETTE!" But I can't, so I walk instead.
Okay. I'm gonna read some book and stop boring you with talk about exercise and how much I want to smoke. I'[m going to join in the office conversation. And then read the book. I'M GOING TO FINISH IT IN THE NEXT 2 DAYS!
Monday, August 2, 2010
Day Two
Technically, it's only day one, because I may have smoked some yesterday. Just like, 3. I wasn't going to, but then I hung out with Matty, and he got me a bit blazed, and then...yeah. It was too much. But today is a new day, and I'm doing good. I want one, but mostly to try and make the electricity sensation running through my veins chill out. Like, that would be rad.
I got batteries for my scales yesterday. Either they're better at telling the truth with fresh batteries, or I've put on weight. Not much though so I don't actually care. And I'm quite happy with my body presently. And I hadn't taken a shit before I weighed myself. And, I think, I'm actually going to be exercising way more. And I won't be getting the munchies so I probably won't want to eat so much. And I most likely won't gorge myself quite so frequently. I still will I'm sure, because I like eating things, especially delicious things.
Oh man. I should have my break. Yeah. I'm going for it in 2 minutes. And I'm gonna walk around the block. Possibly very quickly. Because auoghqe rntlgnadrklhvgnlwesfo;l. Yeah, that's right. I'm so locking my computer before I go so that the people who enjoy prying can't. Okay. Posting now. I'm going on some R&R thing. I'll continue later...
I got batteries for my scales yesterday. Either they're better at telling the truth with fresh batteries, or I've put on weight. Not much though so I don't actually care. And I'm quite happy with my body presently. And I hadn't taken a shit before I weighed myself. And, I think, I'm actually going to be exercising way more. And I won't be getting the munchies so I probably won't want to eat so much. And I most likely won't gorge myself quite so frequently. I still will I'm sure, because I like eating things, especially delicious things.
Oh man. I should have my break. Yeah. I'm going for it in 2 minutes. And I'm gonna walk around the block. Possibly very quickly. Because auoghqe rntlgnadrklhvgnlwesfo;l. Yeah, that's right. I'm so locking my computer before I go so that the people who enjoy prying can't. Okay. Posting now. I'm going on some R&R thing. I'll continue later...
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Stoned Ramblings
Hello, and welcome. How's it goin? I, have been better. So much better. I believe the term is highly hungover. Anyway.
I said I was going to do a stoned rambling email, and here I am. I'm clean living as of the time I go to bed so I thought I should do this now. And, to be fair, I feel wrong being in bed before 2 on a Saturday night. And I did sleep a lot this afternoon. I needed it. Yep. No more weed for a bit, no more smoking-I'm pretty sure I'll fall off the wagon while I'm in Japan, but that's okay, it'll just be while I'm there, I don't intend on smoking when I get back, and I think as long as I'm honest with myself about these things, it's okay. I won't be failing, I'll just be putting nicotine abstinence on the back burner for a couple of weeks. Yeah. But at least I'm willing to admit these things. Oh, and I won't be drinking at least next weekend, if not the weekend after as well. I think I'm ready to embrace clean living with open arms. Yes, I feel like shit today. I'm just going to have a spot.
So, it's currently 1:30am. I'm going to see how much ramble I can get done in 30 minutes, but I'm going to have a cigarette, 2 more spots, and a cup of some...ginger and lemon green tea. I think I need some anti oxidants. And ginger for the stomach settling thing. SPOT! Haha don't you hate it when you can't find shit and just turn around in circles looking for it? Yeah, that....mmmm. I think I might be high enough. I'll just have one more spot. Just one you know? I need to smoke pretty much every last bit of weed. I'm going with a total removal plan, rather than having it sitting around waiting for me to be tempted. And lets face it, temptation resistance isn't one of my strong points.
I'm currently playing "Swing while you're winning". I'm not particularly proud of that fact either. But I just...I have no cds. I have nothing. My music collection is bullshit and it's starting to bother me. I don't watch tv much, I just listen to music, and I have so few cds. I'm totally open to rad mix cds if anyone wants to make me one. Oh man. So high. Need to remember to inhale deeply. I just realised how shallow my breathing was. I should smoke. Haha I almost grabbed prunes to snack on. What a foolish munchie food. That's just asking for disaster. SMOKE!
They were actually Plum Amazins. But really, they're just chopped up bits of prunes. But maybe a little less moist. Yes. Definitely less moist. I'm going to get a different chair. THis computer set up in not working for my back presently.Ooooh, padded. I'm kind of straddling the computer desk. And it's way too high for the keyboard. Maybe if I have it on my lap...I don't...oooh, yeah, better. So much better.
Right. Last night. I got fucked up. I drank 250mls of 45% vodka(thats like a 15% bottle of wine) before I got into town. Well, I was drinking in town, but not at a bar so I don't count that as being in town. I have too much sleeve action going on right now. I'm wearing a long sleeved top, a tshit(typo but it's good), a sweater thing, a polar fleece thing, and my dressing gown. FUck. Sidetracking to the MAX! So, yes, don't actually remember the walk from Toulas work to cavern. That's how drunk I was. So, I don't remember a lot of the night it's safe to say. I'm glad I was wearing a t shirt though because it meant I didn't have to worry about nipples or anything like that. Because apparently I was falling over while on the dance floor. Louse had to support me. I was fall over drunk. And apparently I fell asleep in the bathrooms. Honestly! That's terrible! I lost my bag for the longest time too. Fuck. I'm. Ugh. I'm kind of ashamed. That's not okay. I'm supposed to be in more control of myself than that. I just had a flashback! I DO remember being at Waitangi Park. That's such a relief. I don't know if I'm remembering other times though. Huh. CLean living is going to be good. I also had a pill that I vaguely remember taking.
Myself, Too Attached(he's not, I don't think, but I'll stick with it), and 3 of his friends went back to TA's house, and fuck it was a maze. I've never been so lost in a house that I've been in so many times. It always confuses me though. I couldn't find the bathroom. I gave up, had a smoke, and realised it was starting to get light. Apparently, whilst at Cavern, my dancing got very sexy indeed. I knew pole dancing would do this to me. To be fair, I've always danced like a stripper, I'm quite comfortable with this fact and came to terms with it a long time ago. BUt, now, it's like I've been armed with these tools, of knowledge, and I can't stop myself. I think it's best I stay out of bars with poles for a while; not that I've been to any such bars in quite some time. I need to find some music. I'm also going to make myself an ice cream sandwich. Because I can. I'm going to steal some chocolate sprinkles too. Because they help make it more deliciouser. Yes, that's a real word. I'm sure spell check disagrees with me, but fuck you spell check, I'll make up words whenever I want.
Kate Nash it is. My ice cream cake has chocolate and colourful sprinkles. Awesome. I should charge my camera so that I can take photos of this shit. This morning...aw man. I'm so not going to write any more. I just wasted a bunch of time doing nothing in particular in my room and playing on facebook because I couldn't type while eating an ice cream sandwich. It's 3am. I'm going to bed. My organs feel funny. Maybe its because I'm going to bleed. I picked such a good week for it. Monday, will be a very interesting day. I imagine there might be a lot of rage. Right. SMoking my final cigarette and going to bed.
Here's to clean living and getting myself laid.
Night bitches.
Over and out.
I said I was going to do a stoned rambling email, and here I am. I'm clean living as of the time I go to bed so I thought I should do this now. And, to be fair, I feel wrong being in bed before 2 on a Saturday night. And I did sleep a lot this afternoon. I needed it. Yep. No more weed for a bit, no more smoking-I'm pretty sure I'll fall off the wagon while I'm in Japan, but that's okay, it'll just be while I'm there, I don't intend on smoking when I get back, and I think as long as I'm honest with myself about these things, it's okay. I won't be failing, I'll just be putting nicotine abstinence on the back burner for a couple of weeks. Yeah. But at least I'm willing to admit these things. Oh, and I won't be drinking at least next weekend, if not the weekend after as well. I think I'm ready to embrace clean living with open arms. Yes, I feel like shit today. I'm just going to have a spot.
So, it's currently 1:30am. I'm going to see how much ramble I can get done in 30 minutes, but I'm going to have a cigarette, 2 more spots, and a cup of some...ginger and lemon green tea. I think I need some anti oxidants. And ginger for the stomach settling thing. SPOT! Haha don't you hate it when you can't find shit and just turn around in circles looking for it? Yeah, that....mmmm. I think I might be high enough. I'll just have one more spot. Just one you know? I need to smoke pretty much every last bit of weed. I'm going with a total removal plan, rather than having it sitting around waiting for me to be tempted. And lets face it, temptation resistance isn't one of my strong points.
I'm currently playing "Swing while you're winning". I'm not particularly proud of that fact either. But I just...I have no cds. I have nothing. My music collection is bullshit and it's starting to bother me. I don't watch tv much, I just listen to music, and I have so few cds. I'm totally open to rad mix cds if anyone wants to make me one. Oh man. So high. Need to remember to inhale deeply. I just realised how shallow my breathing was. I should smoke. Haha I almost grabbed prunes to snack on. What a foolish munchie food. That's just asking for disaster. SMOKE!
They were actually Plum Amazins. But really, they're just chopped up bits of prunes. But maybe a little less moist. Yes. Definitely less moist. I'm going to get a different chair. THis computer set up in not working for my back presently.Ooooh, padded. I'm kind of straddling the computer desk. And it's way too high for the keyboard. Maybe if I have it on my lap...I don't...oooh, yeah, better. So much better.
Right. Last night. I got fucked up. I drank 250mls of 45% vodka(thats like a 15% bottle of wine) before I got into town. Well, I was drinking in town, but not at a bar so I don't count that as being in town. I have too much sleeve action going on right now. I'm wearing a long sleeved top, a tshit(typo but it's good), a sweater thing, a polar fleece thing, and my dressing gown. FUck. Sidetracking to the MAX! So, yes, don't actually remember the walk from Toulas work to cavern. That's how drunk I was. So, I don't remember a lot of the night it's safe to say. I'm glad I was wearing a t shirt though because it meant I didn't have to worry about nipples or anything like that. Because apparently I was falling over while on the dance floor. Louse had to support me. I was fall over drunk. And apparently I fell asleep in the bathrooms. Honestly! That's terrible! I lost my bag for the longest time too. Fuck. I'm. Ugh. I'm kind of ashamed. That's not okay. I'm supposed to be in more control of myself than that. I just had a flashback! I DO remember being at Waitangi Park. That's such a relief. I don't know if I'm remembering other times though. Huh. CLean living is going to be good. I also had a pill that I vaguely remember taking.
Myself, Too Attached(he's not, I don't think, but I'll stick with it), and 3 of his friends went back to TA's house, and fuck it was a maze. I've never been so lost in a house that I've been in so many times. It always confuses me though. I couldn't find the bathroom. I gave up, had a smoke, and realised it was starting to get light. Apparently, whilst at Cavern, my dancing got very sexy indeed. I knew pole dancing would do this to me. To be fair, I've always danced like a stripper, I'm quite comfortable with this fact and came to terms with it a long time ago. BUt, now, it's like I've been armed with these tools, of knowledge, and I can't stop myself. I think it's best I stay out of bars with poles for a while; not that I've been to any such bars in quite some time. I need to find some music. I'm also going to make myself an ice cream sandwich. Because I can. I'm going to steal some chocolate sprinkles too. Because they help make it more deliciouser. Yes, that's a real word. I'm sure spell check disagrees with me, but fuck you spell check, I'll make up words whenever I want.
Kate Nash it is. My ice cream cake has chocolate and colourful sprinkles. Awesome. I should charge my camera so that I can take photos of this shit. This morning...aw man. I'm so not going to write any more. I just wasted a bunch of time doing nothing in particular in my room and playing on facebook because I couldn't type while eating an ice cream sandwich. It's 3am. I'm going to bed. My organs feel funny. Maybe its because I'm going to bleed. I picked such a good week for it. Monday, will be a very interesting day. I imagine there might be a lot of rage. Right. SMoking my final cigarette and going to bed.
Here's to clean living and getting myself laid.
Night bitches.
Over and out.
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