10 reasons I could never date you

I'm not sure if I have 10. But I think I might.

1. You don't like interesting food. You can't handle chilli chocolate. You don't like gherkins. Or mushrooms. When you talk about eating curry, you mean butter chicken.

2. You use the word "box" to describe my vagina. It's the only word I think I've heard you call it. You use the word "knob" to describe your penis. You only use one word to describe each of the genitalia. There are so many glorious words to use, why would you use THOSE two. "I want you to suck my knob" EW. "Your box tastes good." DISGUSTING.

3.You add extra bits to words. Not on purpose either. That's just the way you think it's said.

4. You can't spell. At all. Here is an example of a text(word for word): "Haha whopps my multy tarsken ant that good! See that's why I like u,u seem to no what i mean or sm thinken most da time.....but im not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.... lol hope you have a grate 1st day back at work"

I'm not going to lie. number 4 may have contained many of the reasons why I could never date you.

5. Too much drug use. Possible aid for number 4. Occasional drug use is fine, but multiple tabs a week, and putting things up your nose on a semi regular basis. Sure, you've cut down on your weed, but really?

6. You sell drugs. Seriously. You bought a buttload of acid. Sure, you sell it to friends, but still. That shit's dumb. I don't want to be associated with people who do that kind of thing.

7. You aren't very attractive. I'm not that shallow, but when you look at points 1 through 6, I think it gains extra weight. You can be boring and stupid if you're hot. Kind of. Not really, but at least I have something good to look at when I get bored of you talking.

8. I don't think I have any more, but number 4 is bad enough to fill 8 - 10 as well.

Oh, and, he gives me drugs when I'm in no fit state to be doing them, but I do them anyway because I'm drunk and it sounds like fun. And then I have to clean my moving vomit off the floor in the morning because I'm hung over and I only took a tab at 2am.

These are the reasons why we don't date. And why I'm slowly distancing myself further and further from you. If you were more tech savvy then maybe you'd know I had a blog and how to access it. I'm glad you aren't.