I was going to write a blog. No, record one. A video one. It was going to be amazing.

Then I got high. And then, mid conversation with myself, my thoughts returned to being internal, rather than external blabber. I continued the conversation in my head, as I glazed over thinking about work and how frustrated I am with the lack of recognition for the fact that I've been doing a fuckload more than is required of me in terms of my job description, and barely even managing a thank you, although boss lady did tell me she apprecited, which is good because her word is worth more than his.

I'm on holiday now though. It's beautiful. Just knowing that being up at 11 shouldn't make tomorrow torture due to lack of sleep. I want a cigarette. And some water. I've eaten chocolate. More than I should have. Delicious little bars of chocolate. Favourites. I think miniature things taste better. Like mini cheese burgers. Fuck yes.

Do you have that person/people who facebook chat you, on very, VERY rare occassions, and all that pops into your head is "this dude is only talking to me, because he wants to fuck me". I have this happen on a semi regular basis. Some of them are upfront about it, others pretend like it's not a thing they're quietly hoping to achieve.

I feel jaded. God.

So, just had a chat with the boss man. May have made things VERY awkward. It was a talk about work. And what it holds for me. Because one of my other coworkers got the assistant teamleader job. But I didn't apply for it, because I don't want to work late shifts Tuesday - Saturday because that would mean no more dancing, and I fucking love that shit. Yep. But anyway, I cried. And it made things REALLY AWKWARD. And he was like "oooooh no, what did I do, did I say something? What did I do?" and I just couldn't even explain it and he looked really concerned and that probably didn't help the tears and gah. Oh, he said that I would have been his first choice, but figured the hours, combined with minimal payrise wasn't really worthwhile. It means however that means that I lose the few extra tasks that I get like checking the timesheets and complaints and things like that. So pretty much, I'll be cut down to gay ass timetable reading with some occassional proffing for marketing and then total mobility talking to old people shit.

Oh, I'll get to do other things too without any glory.


Shit mate.

Got a haircut yesterday. I now have a small undercut kinda bit at the back. Feels like a fucking dream. Beautiful. Not so sure about the fringe. It kind of sits really far on the left side.A little biebish. And I don't like that.

I

I think it's time for a blog.

It's been a while. Quite some time in fact.

Many things have changed.

I'm not sure that they really have.

I'm still feeling frustrated about a lot of things.

Someone who I thought had lost interest, for one reason or another(all purely speculation of course), has, for some reason, become interested again. I don't think it's anything I've done. I think it's just him.

And damn, I want him so bad. I always do. When he seemed to have lost interest it was easy to ignore it, and make inappropriate and personal jokes, and it was fine, it was a thing that wasn't going to happen. And now, now that the flirting has begun again, he fills my mind once more. With lust and desire. I want to make out with him. I want to do things I know I shouldn't. But...I WANT TO DAMMIT.

I'm not going to write anymore now in case I hit some sweet tangent and then have to end it prematurely because I finish work in 24 minutes.