I was going to write a blog. No, record one. A video one. It was going to be amazing.

Then I got high. And then, mid conversation with myself, my thoughts returned to being internal, rather than external blabber. I continued the conversation in my head, as I glazed over thinking about work and how frustrated I am with the lack of recognition for the fact that I've been doing a fuckload more than is required of me in terms of my job description, and barely even managing a thank you, although boss lady did tell me she apprecited, which is good because her word is worth more than his.

I'm on holiday now though. It's beautiful. Just knowing that being up at 11 shouldn't make tomorrow torture due to lack of sleep. I want a cigarette. And some water. I've eaten chocolate. More than I should have. Delicious little bars of chocolate. Favourites. I think miniature things taste better. Like mini cheese burgers. Fuck yes.

Do you have that person/people who facebook chat you, on very, VERY rare occassions, and all that pops into your head is "this dude is only talking to me, because he wants to fuck me". I have this happen on a semi regular basis. Some of them are upfront about it, others pretend like it's not a thing they're quietly hoping to achieve.

I feel jaded. God.

So, just had a chat with the boss man. May have made things VERY awkward. It was a talk about work. And what it holds for me. Because one of my other coworkers got the assistant teamleader job. But I didn't apply for it, because I don't want to work late shifts Tuesday - Saturday because that would mean no more dancing, and I fucking love that shit. Yep. But anyway, I cried. And it made things REALLY AWKWARD. And he was like "oooooh no, what did I do, did I say something? What did I do?" and I just couldn't even explain it and he looked really concerned and that probably didn't help the tears and gah. Oh, he said that I would have been his first choice, but figured the hours, combined with minimal payrise wasn't really worthwhile. It means however that means that I lose the few extra tasks that I get like checking the timesheets and complaints and things like that. So pretty much, I'll be cut down to gay ass timetable reading with some occassional proffing for marketing and then total mobility talking to old people shit.

Oh, I'll get to do other things too without any glory.


Shit mate.

Got a haircut yesterday. I now have a small undercut kinda bit at the back. Feels like a fucking dream. Beautiful. Not so sure about the fringe. It kind of sits really far on the left side.A little biebish. And I don't like that.

I

I think it's time for a blog.

It's been a while. Quite some time in fact.

Many things have changed.

I'm not sure that they really have.

I'm still feeling frustrated about a lot of things.

Someone who I thought had lost interest, for one reason or another(all purely speculation of course), has, for some reason, become interested again. I don't think it's anything I've done. I think it's just him.

And damn, I want him so bad. I always do. When he seemed to have lost interest it was easy to ignore it, and make inappropriate and personal jokes, and it was fine, it was a thing that wasn't going to happen. And now, now that the flirting has begun again, he fills my mind once more. With lust and desire. I want to make out with him. I want to do things I know I shouldn't. But...I WANT TO DAMMIT.

I'm not going to write anymore now in case I hit some sweet tangent and then have to end it prematurely because I finish work in 24 minutes.

Sleep Procrastinator

I feel disconnected. Like I don't fit into the puzzle again.

Maybe it's because I'm trying to stop smoking and it's quietly doing my head in.

Maybe it's the bleeds.

Maybe I'm just having an identity crisis, yet again.

I'll figure it out.

I am after all, mostly straight.

Advice To Live Your Life By

Never put your lighter in a random pocket when you're high.

Baking desires.

I want to make these. http://www.browneyedbaker.com/2011/09/01/triple-chocolate-oreo-chunk-cookies/

They look yum.

Looking at pictures of baking is better for my bank account than online shopping.

Also this http://kathiecooks.blogspot.com/2010/07/blueberry-breakfast-cake.html

I think, when I have my 5 days off, I'm gonna bake me some things. Hells yes.

http://www.browneyedbaker.com/2009/06/11/your-top-10-favorite-cookies-and-readers-choice-pick-a-cookie/

The brown eyed baker blog person has some sweet recipes. And also, doesn't use pre prepared packety stuff which you can only find in America. I think that's the part that rocks my socks the most. Cos damn I hate it when those bitches are like

1 packet cake mix
2 cans cherry pie filling
1 can marshmellow blah blah blah
list of many things that do not exist in this country, also, I'm not a big fan of pre processed things if I can avoid them...

What is "yellow cake"? Is it just a basic cake? Is it? YELLOW IS NOT A FLAVOUR. The yellow pages tried to tell me otherwise, but I never tasted what they thought "yellow" tastes like, so, whatever.

Gosh.

In other news, I'm at work and it's Labour Day. I'm getting paid(effectively) 3 times what I would make on a normal day. This excited me deeply. Also, I only have 7 more days of work until my 5 day weekend

I just ate half a mixed vege burger from the kebab shop. So good. So full.

I'm gonna watch Mad Men now. Because, well, no one can stop me, and I want to watch it. (I'm not sposed to be watching movies and stuff at work)

Addicted to spending.

No shit. I have a problem.

Today, I spent about $200. Last week, about...$200 also.

My purchase today I've been thinking about for a while though. Plus, I always need more hosiery. This is what I got (the main part of it anyway) http://www.whatkatiedid.com/product/517-l3007-glamour-corselette

I thought about getting this http://www.whatkatiedid.com/product/580-l3013-josephine-corselette (which I love, but I'm a little weary about the bra cup thing)
Or this one http://www.whatkatiedid.com/product/576-l3011-lulu-corselette which I'm still quite fond of also.

But in the end, I went with black. Because I figure...it's a bit more practical. And it's better to have a lil bit of black peeping out the top of a dress than bright red or leopard print. And I think it's still pretty hot. And I'll be able to wear stockings without having to worry about a suspender belt. It is shapewear. It means I don't have to worry about what kinda underwear I'm wearing under my wetlook.

Oh. This is internet shopping. All of it. I think I enjoy the present aspect. Because I get a package. And that is exciting. Really exciting.

I've also got some sweet jewels on their way into my life. And a tentacle necklace which I've quietly wanted for ages.

Okay. I've taken ages to cobble this pointless shit together.

I'm gonna go dance my BBQ Rodeo off. I've been quietly packing on the pounds. I'm unsure my breasts agree that it is just muscle weight...

Too cruel?

I want to send a link of this song to the american.



In saying that, he didn't text or email me at all today after I told him that I didn't feel the right kinda connection between us last night. And that our time is coming to an end. He seemed saddened by this development. It's mean to keep him thinking that he has a chance for something more than what has already been. I definitely don't want to be his girlfriend.

I should go to bed. Shhhh.

Pesky Americans

Ugh. I didn't do it. I fail.

I did however, establish for myself that it's a fuckload of fun just teasing him. Being sick is a definite advantage in the "no, fuck off, I don't want to have sex" states. I said he was just getting a cuddle(mostly cos I love cuddles). He tried. I pretty much just rolled around and had a damn good time resisting.

T-Bag isn't going to be impressed by my lack of movement in the getting rid of him front. Shit. It's okay.

I just took a self-esteem quiz.

This is what it told me:

The potential of being rejected by others as a result of who you are or what you do is not something that you allow yourself to worry about. If people don't accept you the way you are, you are not going to go out of your way to attain their approval. Granted, rejection by someone in your life may very well hurt you, but you won't let it dictate how you feel about yourself. You know that the only approval you should be worried about is your own, and when you respect and approve of yourself, you are more likely to project an image to others that says "I am worthy, and I am have much to offer to someone."

The last sentence is entirely true. And I would like to think it's pretty accurate too.


One of the reasons for this high level of self esteem, maybe be that I'm awesome. Also, the fact that every time I go into town without a male companion, I find a new one who would like to be my companion. There is no lack of men who want to date me(I'm guessing at least half would just like to get into my pants though).


Tonight, after dancing, I'm going on a date with the guy from Weta. When I say date, I mean, I have to get ride of him. Because it's not working for me. I tried to lay the ground for dumping him last week. I think it kind of worked. I'm just not assertive enough. It's hard to tell someone you have no desire to see them anymore when you're naked and relying on them driving you home. I never got to swim in the boobly pool again.That makes me a little sad. I'm also getting rid of him, because a friend made me promise to her that I would only have 2 men on the go at the most. And I'm about to add a new one into the mix on Thursday. Look him up on facebook - http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150416817594045.448002.644414044

Just look at that picture. Admire the torso. Browse the rest if you feel inclined, but really, you just need to look at that picture. I only met him briefly on Friday night, but it would appear he's quite taken by me. He said that I gave him butterflys. And said (I'ma quote some texts now) ""I just know in my mind and body I like you" - that means he thinks I'm a babe. Also, apparently I'm easy to talk to and have kind eyes...

I think he's maybe just a real straightforward, kiwi guy. Just...yep. Anyway. He has a babin bod. I wanna take him for at least one ride around the block. Did I mention he surfs? He asked me if I wanted to go to the beach with him on Saturday morning(he asked at 8:30am or something ridiculous). I declined. I had lunch with my mum anyway. Also, bed seemed way better than hanging out on a beach.

Oh, and so, I went on a date with A on Wednesday. I quite like him. I actually do. He's smart and nice and....yep. We get along real well. Timing is problematic though. I think he likes that he can beat me at any game we play. Pool and bowling have been tried. He won both. I do believe mini golf is on the cards too. And I wanna make him come ice skating with me. Yeah. We had sex once. Before we went on a date. So the first time I met him. Well, I'd met him before apparently, but I don't remember. Anyway, we'd both consumed mucho alcohol. It wasn't ideal. It wasn't terrible. He played Fleetwood Mac in the morning and dropped me off at home on his way to the vege market. Yeah. He's good. Young, but good.

Oh. I went to the dentist yesterday. They gave me 3 new fillings. Yeah. There's still more to go. And crowns. Shit. Bitch gon' be expensive. Already is. Also - booking in my wisdom teeth removal for the 25th October. One month to go. Eeeeee.

Goddamn I need to drop the kids off at the pool. 15 minutes of work to go. I can do it. And then, find myself an unoccupied floors bathroom(I mean, all the people who work on it have already left for the day).

YEP. Life is pretty good. Still battling the rash. Fucking rash. Always with me.

Oh. I forgot. Yesterday was my first day of non-smoking. I had 2 cigarettes. This, while not being a complete halt, is still an improvement on my previous smoking. Also, no weed. No burning things going into my lungs. Hopefully, my skin will get better. I'm unsure if stopping will be a permanent thing if it doesn't. Although, most of the men I seem to attract are non smokers. Which is really quite interesting. Hmmmm. I haven't smoked at all today, just so you know. And I should be able to not smoke at all tonight. Yep. I'm feeling quietly positive.

Forgotten Red Flag

Holy shit.

I'd forgotten this part.

I think because it makes me uncomfortable just thinking about it so I'd kinda pushed it to the back of my mind because I couldn't vocalise it to anyone else because it's just so freaking absurd.

So, he was dating a girl. In Wellington(he must move super quick because he's only been here two months). He saw me at Southern Cross and pretty much decided he must have me. So he talked to me, and when he found out that I had given him my real number, he ditched the girlfriend.

This weirds me out. I mean, I'm amazing, don't get me wrong, but it still seems ridiculous. I guess at least he's not a cheater. But seriously? Who does that? We only talked for maybe 15 minutes, and as soon as I text back he goes off and breaks up with his girlfriend. That's weird right? That's not standard practice. Is it?

Yeah. I'm gonna go to this party, see how it goes, probably won't be seeing him again at this stage. Too many disconcerting factors...

I would do anything...

I wouldn't. I lie.

So. Weta party on Saturday. Quite looking forward to it. I have to dress like a Tintin character - or something along that vein of thought - have you ever noticed how few females there are in tintin? There's like...two.

Anyway. I don't know how much longer I'll keep things up with Mr Weta, mostly because...I get the distinct feeling that while I'm babin' hot and he's pretty infatuated, he seems to want to change me. Try and make me partake in...healthier activities. Frowning gently on my binge drinking, my desire to inhale carcinogens, the fact that I exercise so that I can eat what I want, rather than trying to improve my body and achieve physical perfection.

I'm not perfect. I don't want to be perfect. I'm quite content being me, just the way I am. Sure, avoiding rash attacks would be awesome, and I plan on tinkering with my diet a little to see if that changes things. Perhaps(oh my gosh), I might even go to a dermatologist(finally) and get an allergy test done so that I know conclusively what I'm allergic to. Isn't that a novel concept! But here's the thing - if I change, it's not because someones asked me to. It's because I want to. I'm especially not changing if it's because you've decided that you know what's best for me. I'll take on your feedback, and I'll mull it over, but fuck, I'm not going to just change everything about myself just so that you get what you want. It doesn't work like that.

He's kind of obsessed with perfection. He says it's part of doing Visual Effects. And this is probably true. He also points to the "LA Lifestyle", and their need for consumer bullshit perfection. I'm not like that though, I never have been, and I kind of hope I never will be because it's SO much easier being happy with who you are than trying to change it so that no one will spot your flaws. Because I have them, I'm not going to point them out cos then you'll all notice them, but I definitely have them.

Moral of the story is: Don't try and change me. Because it won't work out well. ESPECIALLY if you've just met me. Shiiit. I'll change when I want to change. I may even change for you, but not if you ask.

I'm so fucking hungry. I need to eat something. I gots cereal. And a banana. I want coffee also. I NEED COFFEE.

I wanted to have a bath last night, but people were drinking in the hoose until I had to go to bed. It made me slightly sad. I was looking forward to it. SO MUCH. I was gonna blend some oats and have a texturally delightful bath(it's good for ma skins too).

Okay. I'm going to go eat things and stuff. Cos I must. Or I may die. And I'm not ready for death. Not yet.

DID I MENTION I HAVE 2X TICKETS TO EDDIE IZZARD IN NOVEMBER? I'M SUPER EXCITEMENT!

OH! OH MY CRAPS! He also, is anti me getting more tattoos. I mean, really? No. It's my body, I'll do whatever the fuck I like with it. Don't even try to be telling me how I can or cannot be modifying my body. Yeah. The more I think about it, the more he won't be staying.

DON'T TRY TO HOLD ME BACK, IT'LL ONLY MAKE IT WORSE

OH DENTIST

I forgot. I went to the dentist twice this week. The first time they did a check and one of those standard type mouth xrays. Pretty much, I need at least $3000 worth of dental stuff done. I neeeeeed....a filling, and the polishy thing with a fluoride treatment, and...2 crowns. On the teeth that have had root canals. I don't recall, all those years ago, being informed that I would require them at a later stage. They could only see one of my wisdom teeth, hence the second appointment.

The second one, involved an...I want to say ECG. I'm not sure that's right though. But it's an xray that does the majority of your face, from ear to ear kinda thing and up to about eye height. It sounded freaking futuristic. It made all the whirs and shit that comes with futuristic machines in the movies. And guess what?! I only have 3 wisdom teeth. Two on the bottom that are coming up(but not moving because they're blocked by teeth) on a meeeeean angle. The one on the top isn't even at the back of my teeth, it's kinda mid way along the back, above my teeth. I have no idea how they're going to get that one out, cos normally they make a hole and remove it that way, but...it's just not even possible to do that. I was supposed to make an appointment with the specialist this week. I haven't. I'll do it on Monday.

Dinner and a Movie.

SO.





I thought I should blog. Because, I can't be bothered doing my assignment. Because...it sucks balls. I mean, seriously, it sucks real hard. I hate it. I also hate the entire course, with it's course material written by racist chimpanzees, and incomplete assignment questions, and...ugh, it's just shitty.





So I'm blogging. Also, GUESS WHAT?! I HAVE A DATE TOMORROW NIGHT. I'm gonna call him...A. We're going to eat some things and then go to a movie - we're gonna watch The Guard at Paramount. I met him at a soiree last Saturday (yes, I did use that word), and I may have gone home with him...there were some minor alcohol related complications, so we're gonna try again. He's an architecture student, last year of his...masters? Something...post grad...? It's to do with architecture, and he's doing his final year. He's also 22. And I think he's kinda cute. And sweet. And smart, which is also quite excellent.





AND THEN!!!! I have another date on Monday. With another guy. YES! THAT IS CORRECT! I'm well chuffed.





I'm going to talk about the rest of the things I'm going to do this weekend first though, before I return to the talk of date #2.





Saturday night, I'm going to the fetish ball. I'll post a picture of my outfit maybe before I go out or perhaps the next day or something. I'm going to wear my corset, black ruffly undies, and stockings...maybe...I'm not sure if I'll wear the nude with black back seams or red back seams. I haven't decided. And the riding crop is coming to party too. I got heel grips for my shoes so I can wear them without having to walk REALLY awkwardly, trying to keep my feet inside my heels. I wish I could wear the red ones. I can't walk in them. It wouldn't be practical at all. But I love them.





And then, on Sunday, I'm going out for dinner with the family. Not my father. I should probably make some form of contact with him soon though I suppose. Because It's fathers day, and, you know, I guess it's what I'm sposed to do. It's not like he's tried to contact me at all in the past...almost 6 months. But I guess I should. I've actually avoided him in the street. But anyway, it's the baby bro's birthing day, so we'll go out for dinner and he's inviting some friends(I like them so I'm happy!)





And then on MONDAY. So, date number two.
26/08/2011: (I started writing this yesterday and then got sidetracked by actually doing my job).

Okay, so, continuing what I was saying about date number two. Ummm, talked to him via the emails a little bit more today, and this is where we're going http://www.arbitrageur.co.nz/page/home.aspx

I don't understand at least half of what the menu says. I'm contemplating just sitting with google images and the menu and typing in all the things I don't know. He's mid to late 30's(this is based on my quiet investigative work and looking at his education history...). I'm a creeper. What can I say? I don't doubt he's already looked for me on the internets. Because that is unfortunately, the time that we're living in. (He doesn't have fb by the way, I already tried to find him...). T-bag thinks he's creepy. I think that's mostly because he isn't in his 20's. Sometimes I forget she's so young, and then other times it seems so blindingly obvious. And anyway, even if he does turn out to be creepy, or it's weird, or whatever, I'll still get to eat some tasty cheese, and drink some wine, and maybe even have snail and chorizo risotto.

I'ma go now. I think. I could ramble for hours I'm sure. Oh, and just so you know, I fail at paying phone bills, so therefore, I do not have the internets at home at the moment. Probably until Monday, hopefully not any later...Procrastination is a terrible thing. But, with no internet, it should make it easier to stay on task with my assignment which I intend on completing tomorrow while I am not hung over and still have some form of brain power available.

I'll let you know how date #1 goes on Monday. And then #2 on Tuesday.


XOXO (I SO WANT TO WRITE GOSSIP GOAT)

This complaint is about me. I just...I just love it.


'I arrived at the bus stop near Glover St in Ngauranga Gorge at around 5.40pm, and checked the timetable.

the next bus was due at 5.55, not too long I thought. only fifteen minutes.

At about 6, I rang metlink as it was dark, and I am tired of standing at the bus stop for forty minutes or more _EVERY_ day, and explained the situation.

the girl that answered the phone was rude and disinterested, and said a bus would be there at quarter past. While we were talking, the 53 bus went past, without turning to the left to the bus stop, even though I could clearly see it had passengers. When I explained this to the girl in the metlink call centre she insisted that the 53 was not in service and was going into town to pick up its last run, and that it did not stop at this bus stop after about half past four. I pointed out that the schedule behind me stated three buses were due at this bus stop at 5.55, 5.59 and so on.

Her tone was rude, and she all but told me to get stuffed. I pointed out that it was pitch black and that I felt her customer service was lacking, and she marely stated a bus would be there at 6.15, and when I pointed out that the timetables posted were apparently wrong, despite the date on them being 20th feb, 2011, she again made her lack of interest clear.

When a bus did finally show up, in a friendly voice, I joked that it was good to see a bus finally stop and that I had seen the 53 go past, and the male driver in a rude tone said 'it's out of service IT'S OUT OF SERVICE'.

Your customer service sucks, you need to sort out your time tables, And update ones that are posted at bus stops.

I'm sick of waiting forty minutes EVERY day to catch a bus. It's not acceptable.

This is what the bus company said in return:

It was explained to Jessica that the lady in the office was not being rude but helpful. Jessica became very aggressive on the phone, and said she will start walking as she had missed the bus. Operations got the bus to turn around to pick her up. She became abusive to that driver also. She said she will lay a complaint which is why it went to Metlink. Complaint could not be signed off due to the verbal abuse.

I remember talking to this woman. She was a bitchface. A crazy, crazy bitchface.

Getting this complaint to sign off in the system made my day a little.

And so I realised...

That I'm feeling rather depressed at the moment. Not massively depressed, I have no desire to hurt myself or do anything retarded, I'm just quite down. Things are getting to me. Probably why I've been so angrys. Probably why I've been feeling rather agitated.

I realised this while walking home yesterday, reflecting on the fact that I had almost cried whilst looking at pictures of puppies on the SPCA website. They're so adorable, and I want one. And until I have a house I can't have one.

Okay. A butt check out is apparently enough to lift my mood.Unfortunately not entirely, but it made things a little bit better for that brief moment of time.

I think a contributing factor is more than likely the fact that I was pretty much house bound for a week(apart from the 3 days I managed to drag myself off to work), due to the zickness. And that's a typo but I like it. I think also the whole disappoint being an apparent theme for my life thing is a bit of a downer also. At least I still have good butt. Actually, I'm digging my body at the moment. I didn't go to pole twice last week, and I think that's also a contributing factor in the downward direction, but the coughing kept my abs strong. I hope. I'm kinda scared to go back tonight because it always destroys when you haven't been in a while, and I'm still not at optimum wellness, and HOLY CRAP FUNNY BONES ARE NOT FUNNY. EVER.

I reestablished for myself the age old lesson of too much fruit being a bad thing. I ate a banana, 2 nectarines, and 2 apples. It made a speedy exit this morning. Kind of convenient I guess because I'm always pushed for time in the mornings and I much prefer a morning poo to an evening one.

Yes. I'm talking about poos. Work is REALLY BORING today. Really boring. I should probably do some study. Yeah. I might do that.

I really hope that my corset arrives today. THat would make my day. Possibly make my week. I was all excited that it was potentially at home when I was walking home yesterday. It was kind of disappointing when it wasn't there. It is my shining light at the moment. Like, that thing that I'm really looking forward to. I worry a little about what I'll use as my quick fix for happiness once it arrives. Hahaha nah, I'm sure it'll be sweet, I'll just put it on and prance around and everything will be okay again.

Meh. Bored. Study. Process complaint from last night. Yes. Mmmmm. Don't want to but know I should. Oooooh, I've almost taken a third of the calls. There are 4 people on. That's right, I'm awesome.

UGH! Something else that's getting to me, is people wanting to make silly choices. And when I say silly, I mean, just, why? And not listening to reason. Listen to my reason. Accept my knowledge. Don't do something so so silly. And not good silly either, just in case that was unclear. We're not talking about wearing a pandaclava to the supermarket, or drawing on a ridiculous moustache before walking to the shops, we're talking full on, resentment causing, will regret for extended periods of time kind of silly. Don't do it!

I think I should really look into getting contacts. My allergic conjunctivitis isn't such an issue these days...probably the removal of myself from intensely allergen filled environments helps. I feel bad for not visiting Matty while he's staying at my mums. It would destroy me though. I'm so over being rashy, and I just got not sick, and I'd rather not mess with my delicate inner workings.

Miss you guys. You know who you are.

The ship is totally sailing without me. It's all I can feel at the moment. Oh, let down by a guy today. What a surprise. And I don't say that without sadness, because how fucking original. Someone says they want to do something with me, and then just before it's supposed to happen, I get bailed on. I was optimistic for this one, but I guess I should just give up on it.

In other news, I'm seriously thinking about making "Boys suck candy" It could be super delicious, and would be perfect for all those times you get let down by men. Also, I feel like lesbians would probably enjoy it. I would keep a pack or two for special occassions like Valentines Day, probably birthdays and any other special occassion that they like to let you down on.

Am I bitter? No. No I am.

THE HOUR FOR BLOGGING IS UPON US!

Hello!

It's Friday night/Saturday morning, and I'm sick, so I'm at home, and well, I'm kind bored. And LONELY. OH DEAR GOD I'M LONELY.

I'm not that lonely. Just a little bit. Like, it'd be nice to have someone come and cuddle me and talk some shit at me, cos I'm sick and that would be nice, but not extreme loneliness. Also, my legs are fucking aching. Extreme achy pain. And it's lame. It's making it very difficult to get comfortable. I only worked 3 days this week. That's how sick I was. I never take sick days. But this week, it was necessary. I could have managed going to work today, but I was asked how I was feeling by the boss at 11 before my shift started(I was still at home contemplating getting out of my pjs and into the shower), and I was like pretty shitballs. Still. And he told me to call in sick. And that was nice. And then I went back to bed for some more hours. Everything is just so fucking hard this week. I'm sure bleeding has really helped it along nicely. Also got a mysterious, textural rash. What else...possible herp above the eyebrow? I'm not sure, it's freaking me out a little but it doesn't appear to be migrating which is good. But seriously? Do I need that? I already had a magic 3, I didn't need 4.

I don't remember when I last blogged. I could check. I'm not going to. Last weekend I went out with t-bag and met a guy called...B...anyway, he's nice, and would appear to be interested. We danced on Saturday, it was heaps of fun. Kind of...rock and roll styles. It was pretty cool. He indicated he wished to go home with me. I told him that wasn't going to happen, but he could have my number. And we made out a little. In the street. But that's all he got. Because I'm a woman of high *cough cough cough* morals. But seriously, I'm trying to stick to that whole not going home with someone straight away, because that isn't getting me where I want. He texted me this morning. And said he wanted to catch up. I told him that I have the black death, and at this stage it appears I won't be up to doing such things, but, it's really nice to have him show interest. Simple things keep me going. He is also somewhat younger...22 in fact...kind of goes against many of my personal rules, due to previous less than satisfactory experiences. But really, he's employed, has been to and completed university, doesn't live at home, appears to have all the skills required to be a functional grown up...yep. I'ma text him tomorrow and tell him I can't, but would like to soon, cos that's the truth. I'm not well enough to be off running round outside being wooed.

I would really like to not be sick. It's boring. So boring. I should get more high. That will make it better. YES, I FAILED. I'm sick and it dulls the pain.

I feel like I'm being left behind.

I wish I had someone to come travelling with me. It just isn't as much fun on your own. And it's not like I merge easily with random new people. Not all by myself. I never have. And that's not just me being paro about it, I mean, my whole life I've been awkward when it comes to making new friends, all by myself, without the aid of another friend. Hanging out in pairs sometimes terrifies me. Like they'll be blinded by all my flaws. I think I can be easily forgotten by many.

I just need to share this...

This is how people are finding my blog. The retired programmer's motor home is an interesting one...

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