Sarp bitches?
I'm gonna type however I please. Because I've had 4 hours sleep. And I had ritz last night. And I was drinking. And it's 11.17 on Sunday morning and I'm at work. Life is rad. Life is cool. Life is full of quirky little suprises to trip you up when you least expect it.
Joyous. I'm really looking forward to everyone arriving for Christmas. I don't really care about Christmas as a whole, but I'm glad I get to see my friends. All of them. Maybe not every single one, but most, and that's good enough for me to get some serious excitement face going. Could almost do an excitement dance even. That's how much I excite I have.
I was going to go to the hospital today and do some visitin. I don't think it's going to happen. I don't know that I'm feeling stable enough to be in a psych ward. Even if it is just sleep deprivation and I'll probably be fine. Dammit. Just realised I have no food. I have eggs. And a single crust. Possibly some fish, and some duck, and a bit of broccoli(it's probably brown so I'm not counting it though). So, I have a bunch of protein, and not a lot of anything else. I haven't been for a shop in too long. My emergency supplies have been depleted. If there's an emergency, all I'll have to eat is dry protein powder. And maybe a can of fruit. I NEED TO BUY VEGETABLES. I miss them. I mean, I've still been eating them, but not with the frequency they deserve. I should be eating vegetables a million times a day, and they're lucky if the get to feature in more than one meal. GET IN MY FACE VEGETABLES! My big problem at the moment, is that I'm never home to cook. And when I am, I'm feeding an army. And most of the time lately, other people have been feeding me. Which is awesome. So awesome. but also means the motivation to actually buy a decent amount of food is really just not there. And if I just shop at Newtown New World, it's too pricey to do a proper shop, and they really don't have the selection I would like to have available to me.
I think I'm going to eat pasta tonight. With chick peas. Damn. I really want to go to pak n save. They have israeli couscous, which, if you haven't tried, you should, because it's awesome. It's like regular couscous, but way larger, and has a delightful texture. I loves it. But it's hard to find. So hard to find.
I just cleaned this desk because the filth factor was getting to me. SO MUCH! It was gross. It's worse when it's someone elses filth. I can live in my own filth, that's fine. If that's the choice I want to make for myself, well, that's up to me. I don't think however, when you sit at a shared desk that it should be filthy. I mean, how long has it been like that for? And why has no one else bothered to clean it? I don't understand. It's other peoples grime. Yuck. Is this irrational? I'm sure it isn't.
I'm super excited about getting Jelly in the mail. And no, I don't mean pre made jelly. Just the crystals. FOR WRESTLING! I'ma bring the smackdown! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROAWR! Watch yo ass cos it's gonna hurt when I'm done! Yeah, you knwo I'm not actually gonna destroy you, just bring shame upon you and your family for the way that you fail so mightily against me. Hahahah I better win, or else I'll look like a fooooool. And I don't want that. Oh no. That would be terrible.
So, last night, I went to Cavern. And I met this man, who apparently does something to do with 7 Days and some other nz comedy thing that I REALLY can't remember what it was. But anyway, he decides he wants to dance with me. Not just dance. Interpretive dance. That involves spinning me a lot. Or at least trying to. I'm a really awkward dancer when I'm not doing my standard grindy hip dance. And then, he picks me up, and spins me around in the air. It was weird. But hilarious. I pretty much just stood there and laughed awkwardly.
Oh man. Nausea just kicked in it does appear. I need to eat something. Something gentle. Something that isn't going to spark a horrible chain reaction that will inevitably involve vomiting. Although...no, vomit. I don't want to do it. And I don't doubt my bodies ability to hurl. Because you should never underestimate such things. It can lead to regrettable situations.
My underwear is up my ass. It is a g string. I suppose that's what I get for wearing one.
Half the women in my office are knitting/crafting. I say this in a room of 5 females(including myself). But I have a question. Am I missing out on something? I mean, crafting has never been my thing, but so many people seem to get enjoyment out of it. But I just..I don't know. Women confuse the crap out of me. And I am one. I feel sorry for men. Women are strange and complex beasts. Full of emotions. And feeeeeeelings. I have lots of feelings. I manage to keep them under wraps most of the time. Not always. But mostly. I did burst into tears when I got home on Friday. Uncontrollable tears. But then I knew that I needed to see Patient X, and if I didn't, then I would be letting her down. So I went. And I felt so much better for it. I love her.
I think I just decided what I'm going to wear on Christmas day. This dress I'm wearing presently. Because it's nonrestrictive. And I'm pretty sure that no waist band is the correct waist band for Christmas. I'm kind of dreading all the food. Not because I don't want to eat it, but sometimes, it just makes me so anxious. And I get worried that I'm going to vomit. And then the anxiety that I'm going to vomit makes me want to vomit even more. It's a vicious, vicious cycle. I'm pretty sure though, that continuous, mild anxiety, is most excellent for weight loss. Because the desire to eat, it almost disappears. I would rather be able to eat. And not worry about the vom factor. It's way better than it used to be. I actually was incapable of eating out with my father for quite some time because it just made me so anxious I'd be borderline about to vom the whole time. Oh god. Eating a meal with him when I was hung over. Worst. Idea. Ever. Just seeing the plate of food almost made me hurl. I had to go to the bathroom and try and calm myself down. It's ridiculous. I love food. Feed me tasty things! They are awesome! I just seem to be incapable of consuming large amounts of anything 99% of the time. Unless I'm wasted, and then I can just munch out. But even then, I can't do it like I used to. Maybe I have food issues that I myself was unaware I had.
Gosh. Who knows. Ow. I hurt. Oh man. I still have another 4 hours. This shit's painful. I'm going for my lunch break. Hopefully I can contain the urge to vomit. Loves you
XXXX
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