Potential Gold.

Is what this blog is. I'm not going to lie to you now am I?

First off, haven't blogged in a while. I just. I don't feel comfortable blogging about what I want to blog about(stopping the word blog right now) at work in my current office. It's too...open.

Anyway. Things. So many things going on right now. WHy is everyone...not coping. Shit just seems so hard right now for so many people. And, in a way, I'm absorbing some of this, because...well, that's what friends do isn't it?

I think I should make clear my current substance mind. Okay. That sounded bad. I'm not re-writing shit by the way. Once it's typed, unless it's spelling errors, I'ma try keep it in. I have, at present, had 6 spots this evening, and 2 ciders. I'm feeling like a drinking light weight. I just. It's so much harder than it used to be. I'm so fucking old. SO anyway, obviously, tangents are to be expected. It's inevitable. Honesty is the key to a happy life. Not really. You still need to tell people shit. Because, I don't know, keeping it inside makes whatever it is worse. Lies are still important sometimes. To protect people. BUt you have to be doing it for the right reasons.

Okay. I was just looking at someones photos on facebook, and they were making me shout things out. I would just like to point out the fact that I'm at home alone right now. On a Friday night. I'm fucking winning. I am a ball of sexual frustration. I just. Everyone else's stuff has been way bigger than anything else recently. But today. Maybe this whole week, the frustration, it's been bubbling under the surface. It's just slowing been building. I'm being monogamous with a man I'm not even in a relationship. What's wrong with me? My genitals have not been touched in 2 weeks. And I've been too worn out by the time I get to bed to masturbate. It just hasn't been happening. And. Gosh. WHY WON'T YOU TOUCH MY VAGINA?! BAH!

Sorry. But it's really, it's really at the forefront of my mind right now. I still haven't talked to him. We were supposed to be going out for dinner for his birthday. Which was on Tuesday. As far as I know, it's still happening. He wanted to take me to an Ethiopian place. Apparently it's only open on Mondays. I don't know. I just go along with things. Please? I want to wear a pretty dress and look like a real proper lady. I always look like a lady. But, I wanna wear a fancy dress. Not fancy, pretty. I just want to get dressed up, and eat a meal with him. An evening meal. Mmmm beer.

I'm certain he likes me. And I just realised this whole blog has been about him. I'm sorry. I haven't really had the time to just think and talk about shit that's bothering me in a while. At my own pace. A sentence at a time if I want. I'm kinda hungry. Munchies. I think I need more spots. It may spell the end of my blog. TOnight. Because, well, I'm unsure if I'll still be able to type. It's not the easiest at present you know. My fingers still feel nimble though, which I'm sure is a positive sign. I should have a smoke. I shouldn't really. It's bad for me. I'll be stopping in 2 weeks. For good. It's my New Years resolution. Because, I feel like it's time. And I'll buy pretty dresses instead of cigarettes. And I'll exercise instead of smoking. And my pot will be getting cut back considerably too. Because. It needs to happen. I'll keep smoking until the end of the new years celebratory period. And then it's gone. I'm going to have to start running more often. I only did it once this week. I might go for one tomorrow. Mmmm. Because I shouldn't be hung over.

People were giving me shit for having protein powder. And, I just want to say, don't care. And I'm having it more because I'm worried that I don't necessarily get enough protein in my diet and this way I know that at least I'm getting some. So shhh.

I've just reached a point, where I need to exercise. Or it effects my mood. Pole is really good. I'm quite happy now that I'm back in serines class. I really like her teaching style, and, I'm really impressed at how much my upper body and core strength has improved. I want to find a playground with a pole in it. Do playgrounds even have poles anymore? Or were they unsafe and had to be removed and replaced. SHit just seems a little too cotton wool coated for kids these days. I'm pretty sure minor injuries are part of being a child. Not beating of children, but more, falling off poles, flying off the ends of slides, getting hit in the head by the kid on the swing, that kind of thing. ANd now, I must smoke.

Mmmm, midnight toast. Om nom nom. I think it might be bedtime soon. Because otherwise, before I know it, I'll be going to bed at 3am. I'm so distractable.

I think I've hit a figurative wall. Do I drug away the sexual frustration, or do I...beat it out...so to speak...?

BYE! I MUST BED NOW? YES< SHIT. FORGOT THAT HOLDING SHIFT CHANGES THE PUNCTUATION. BYE!