I want to talk to him but I don't know if I can.

It's like there's a force field stopping me.



There are so many things I want to say but I'm holding myself back. I don't think he feels the same. But how would I know? You don't know unless you ask. I'll get there. Give me a week and some decent sleep. I was going to ask today. I couldn't find the words. It's scary. Life is scary. You don't gain anything without taking a risk. I feel like...there's added risk. Because of the circumstances surrounding it. I think he's annoyed at me. I should be annoyed at him. Sheesh.



I'm starved of intimacy. I crave physical contact. I think I'm hitting a bit of a low. Maybe it's just sleep deprivation. I don't know. Do you? Can you offer some insight into my mind?



I feel a wave of self destruction. Maybe a tsunami. I'm feeling self concious and uncertain.



It's not all bad though.



Today, I was asked if I wanted to work on level 6 in marketing for a couple of months. I'm not sure when I'll be starting. I figure it'll be good on my cv. A little career development never did anyone harm. Or maybe it did. But I think this should be good for me. I was going to ask then how he felt. While we were talking about my future opportunities. He was checking me out and I felt confident about where I stood. But now, I'm not so sure.



It's havoc on the roads tonight. Multiple car crashes, pretty much everywhere. I'm cranking.