HOLY CRAP!

I leave the country in 45 hours. I didn't sleep very much last night because I was so anxious. I think I'll take a lorazepam tonight. Because I really need to have a decent sleep before I leave Wellington. I'm at work. I feel like vomiting. I'm still very anxious. I haven't had enough sleep to deal with my anxiety in a constructive way either. I know I'll be fine. I know I will. I can't shake the feeling of impending doom though. Maybe it was better when I had the sexual frustration to focus on. It's much easier to go to sleep thinking about banging someone than thinking about how you're going to a huge city where you know nobody and can't speak the language.

Wait. I think I just may have found a way to make myself feel better. It kinda works. I'm not going to go into specifics. But I THINK, it might just work enough to get my through today without puking on someone. Which is awesome. Because nobody likes to be vomited on. Unless they have a weird fetish for it. I don't know what it's called, and I think it sounds way worse than being urinated on, and possibly on par with being shat on...no, vomit isn't as bad as poo. Poo would cause vomit. Anyway, people with vomiting fetishes are weird and sick. But, I don't think I will be unwittingly fulfilling anyone's fantasies about such things today. With my new coping mechanism. It will all be okay. OKAY!

Wait, I still feel nauseous. Still taking a lorazepam before bed tonight. OH GOD. Work should be busier. So that I'm not so time rich while unable to do the things I really need to get done. Like call WINZ and check that they will in fact let me out of the country. And...see Meg. And try to find out where my rail pass is at. And do some washing. And pack my bag(I started last night). And buy some shoes so that I have options other than high chucks or heels whilst in Japan. Aaaaaaand...buy salt and vinegar kettles and some black forst icecream. And Lucas's pawpaw.

I just decided I'm going for a run when I eventually make it home. It might help me relax somewhat. I could be wrong. I think it should help though. Okay. Writing a list. I'm gonna go and have my break. Y'all should hear from me again once I'm ion Japan. Maybe I'll write a crazy sleep deprived one when I get to Narita. Maybe I won't. I might just say things on facebook from time to time and write myself a travel journal instead. YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING!

LOVE YOU XXXXXX

WISH ME LUCK!