I'M JUST SO ANGRY!

ABOUT EVERYTHING! I'm actually, just so fucking filled with rage. I want to explode. I want to pulverise the shit outta something. I WANT TO BRING MY SMACKDOWN! So, on Sunday, I stopped smoking again. Monday was all good. I was fine on Monday. I survived a.o.k. I got laid, I was happy, I got to happy on motherfucking valentines day, and I was fine. Today. Ugh. Yesterday even.

Yesterday, all day, at work, I was sweet. I was in charge while the boss was away and it was good. I had things to do, and I was happy to be doing them. I got home, eventually, and I could just feel the rage. It was building. I wanted to kill everyone around me and there was no real reason why. I had a smoke. It made it slightly better. I had 2 more while I was out having d'n'm's with Toula last night. It was good talking to her. Didn't resolve my today rage though.

So, got to work, was doing okay, Tarsh tells me I'm doing the late on Monday. Okay. Cool. Love doing the lates. Sweet as. Take it in my stride. Look at the roster. Late on Tuesday as well. THERE IS NO MOTHERFUCKING WAY I'M DOING THE LATE ON TUESDAY. I'm going to Queens of The Stone Age, and I'm not working right up until they start playing no way. So I sent James an email. That was an hour ago. No reply. Nothing. He better fix that shit. There's no way I'm doing a late. If he doesn't change it, I'll leave early.

I want to cry and break shit. I want to punch him in the face. Okay. I think that urge may have passed. Maybe. Feeling considerably less ragey. Deep breaths. I think late shifts send me into a rage. I have them on Friday and Saturday. And Monday. And...I can't look at the roster, so I don't know if he's changed it, but seriously, I'm not doing a late shift.

I need to talk to him. Properly. Yes. I know I've been saying that for...A LONG TIME, but it needs to happen for real. Not just in my head. Not as I'm falling asleep at night, for real real this time. Actually do it. I can do it. I KNOW I CAN. If I don't, well, I may as well just stop trying, and just move on, but I have to find out before I give up, because otherwise I'll just wonder, and I probably couldn't just stop doing what I am without saying SOMETHING.

Ugh. I'm posting, and doing the work that I should have done hours ago.