Okay. Right. So. DAYUM I WANT HIM. I spent all day yesterday looking up from my computer at him(I was sitting at the desk that faces his) and gosh. That's all I can say. Gosh. And then today, I had to come in to work, because, well, there was pleading involved. Because there was no one else to do it. But, you know what he said to me today? "I was thinking about inviting you round last night, and then we could have just come in together" WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THIS?! I would have fucking loved it. A bit of a step forward too in terms of...I don't know. There's never been any sleepovers. And I want to. I WANT TO. HOLD ME ALL NIGHT LOOOOOOONG.
Fuck. I would of loved it. He sited minimal sleep as a reason why it would have been a bad idea. Honestly, I would have turned up to work after a 30 minute nap and I would have been so freaking happy it wouldn't have mattered.
So, rather than going home with him and having sweet sweet sexy times and amazing oral, I went to have a drink with Tim. Did I tell y'all bout him? He's a musician and he thinks I'm rad and wants to get in my pants but I'm not really interested even though he's a nice guy and there isn't anything fundamentally wrong with him, but he's just not my flavour. Anyway. Went to have a drink with him. Didn't end up getting a drink cos he'd misplaced his apartment swiper and wanted to check his car to see if it was there. It was. We went for a drive.
I told him not to try any funny shit cos I'd fuck him up. He didn't. We drove round the bays a bit, got to...Point Halswell(just round from Shelley Bay) and he parks up, gets out, and sits on a conveniently placed bench. I go over and sit next to him, and I know, I know that he wants to mack. And, I don't say anything, I just go and sit down next to him. And it's cold. Really rather cold. Especially with the whole not wearing heaps because I didn't expect to be exposed to the cold for more than 15 minutes and I was supposed to be power walking home. We're sitting there, and he puts his arm around me. Okay. That's fine. There are birds. They sound funny. Can't see them, but they are definitely there. Oh well. So, he's like, rubbing my arm. I feel like I'm quietly starved of affection presently. I'm not really, but, kind of. Anyway, he's rubbin my back a little too, then moves in to hug(possibly kiss but I'm trying SO HARD to pretend none of this is going on)
QUICKLY CUTTING IN: I just became part of his anecdotes about girls he's slept with. "I went to one girls house and she had like a horse whip on her wall" LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
And returning.... So he's sitting side on, facing me, and I'm sitting facing forward towards the sea, and he's hugging me trying to warm me up a little, and I'm kind of burying my head on his should in the hope that he isn't going to try and take it any further, but I know he will, and then he starts kissing me, and I want to be into it. I really kinda do. Hahaha. No, but, it has the potential to be nice. And, yeah, he's going real slow, and I'm just not really giving him anything back, and I dunno, half hearted kissing. This went on for a minute or two. It felt like a long time. Because I spent the whole time trying to figure out how to let him down gently. And, well, I kind of stopped, and put my finger on his lips, and asked him if he could please take me home. He asked what the matter was, and I said I didn't know, and then he asked if I was uncomfortable, and I said yeah, sorry, that kinda thing. He took me home.
We discussed why I was uncomfortable. The other guy factor. I said it was complicated. Which it is. It's marvellously complicated. I can't think of a single sexual relationship that I have ever had that has been more complicated than whatever it is I have going on right now. But I still love it. It's fucked up. I feed on it. The tension. The frustration. Maybe I have a problem? Perhaps I do. Whatevs.
So, either way, here I am at work. I have 2 hours to go. I was going to finish at 12, but then someone called up cos their uncle died and wouldn't be coming in. So there is actually only 4 people on today. So, I'm staying till 3. Cos I'm awesome, and I'm a team player, and I like getting paid the overtime. It helps me buy things that I want. And after today, I get two days off, which is rather handy considering we have a flat inspection on Thursday. Yay.
Not sure what to do about the cat situation. The woman who will be inspecting our house saw the cat last time. She was playing with him. Shit. I don't know. We're not allowed a cat. And I guess my "We taped over the cat door because the local cats have been coming in" thing isn't really going to fly with her. I just don't know with that one. Ah well. Hahahaha. I just got asked about what I put in here. Bullshit. That's what I put in here. Babble. Venting, gotta get it off my chest babble.
Okay. I'm going to watch Eerie Indiana now. If you don't know what it is, youtube that shit. Fond memories of it from my childhood. Ciao x
No comments:
Post a Comment