A smidge on the ANGRY side.

I'm a bit angry today. Frustrated mostly. SO MUCH FRUSTRATION!

So. I'm in reception. Again. Because there's a divisional meeting(something to do with all the transport staff), and the lady who's normally doing reception(she does a bunch of other stuff so it's okay for her, I just sit here blankly) is at the meeting too. So. Boredom. And angry. Because He made me do reception. He was trying to get me to draw pictures while I'm here. I'm not drawing crap. He wanted me to draw a swan or a chicken or...he started suggesting yaks and bullshit like that. I'm not going to. NOt for someone who spends all their time(not actually but it feels like it) leading me on. I'm so annoyed at him right now. I can't even explain it. It makes me want to angry cry with tears of frustration. Fuck him. Or not. I don't care anymore. I do. But I don't want to. And therefore, I'm going to try and convince myself I don't care. And maybe that will work. Or maybe it won't. At least I'm trying. I WANT TO HAVE SEX SO BAD. I don't want TA sex either. It's nice that he likes me, and he thinks I'm hot, and I'm quite happy just babbling bullshit at him, but I want to have sex with someone hotter. I hope I get my ID back this week. I need to get laid. It's so hard to fight the angry without the sex or the cigarettes.



Speaking of cigarettes. I wish to bad mouth my flatmate for a bit. Because she's driving me insane with her shit. Yesterday, after being at the supermarket, Toula picked me up with Lynne and Alex. This is at like, 4pm. Not an unreasonable time to have friends over on a Sunday afternoon. Or so one would think. Apparently it wasn't acceptable not to warn her first. I don't know what she would have said if I asked anyway. Probably no. This is how the conversation went shortly after I arrived home with 3 of my closest friends.



"It would be nice if you asked first before bringing your friends round when you know that I've got an assignment due the next day"

"Oh(confused), sorry? I didn't think it would be an issue"

"Well, my assignment's due tomorrow and you and your friends are getting high, and I've spent all day cleaning"

"You didn't have to do the cleaning. I could have done it"

"If I didn't do it, it wouldn't get done"

"I only have one day off a week. I don't have a lot of time, but I would have gotten there"

"I only have 2 days off and I'm hardly here"

:"You didn't have to do it"

"Just let me know next time okay?"

"Sure."



Don't blame me for your procrastination. Own your own shit. You've been up since 9am, you vacuumed before9:30. On a Sunday. My one day to have a sleep in. IT WAS MY ONLY DAY OFF IN 12 DAYS! I wasn't even home until 3:30am on Sunday. Honestly. You're so inconsiderate it's amazing. I didn't realise that someone could be as hypocritical and inconsiderate. ALL THE TIME! I don't care if you're going through shit. I honestly, don't care anymore. I'm over caring. You know why? Because she doesn't listen to me when I tell her stuff that is true, and helpful. Like about her boyfriend. I'm sorry, he's never going to trust you. Never. If he doesn't now, when you're at the 6 month mark, he NEVER will. I know. I lived this. I spent 6 years hoping that Daniel would trust me. I did everything to try and ensure that there was no reason for him not to trust me. I never did a single thing wrong. And yet, never, ever trusted me. And you're fairytale bullshit dreams? Really? Domestic bliss isn't going to be what it is, if you do happen to make it to the end of the year and still be in a relationship. "We're going to get our own place and it's going to have a bath and a nice(I think that's what she said) kitchen, and he's going to build me a bunny hutch in the back yard" VOMIT. NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. I'm really ragey at her presently. If you're still reading, I'm sorry. I hope she never finds this. God. I would get in so much trouble.



I really need to pee. I don't think I'm done ranting. I can't think about anything other than urination presently though. I don't know if I'm allowed to get up from reception. What if someone calls? What if...? I don't know! Okay. I went. It was the best decision I've ever made.



Oh. I'm returning to my rant now. This time, I'm moving to the smoking subject. Why did she decide she was going to quit? Because she hasn't. She's just bludging off others. I ever saw her down at the Assyrian Centre on Saturday night scabbing a smoke off a skeezy as man, that normally she would threaten to kick in the nuts if he so much as looked at her funny. I'm sorry, but if I was doing that, I would just start smoking again. She clearly isn't ready. She was even getting accolades for the fact that she had cut down so dramatically. IT DOESN'T COUNT. Sure, I could have cut down if I was just scabbing smokes off other people rather than manning up and buying a packet. She was supposedly quitting on the same day as me. She hasn't. I have. Still real proud of myself. I was drinking on Saturday night(I'm going to expand on other aspects of this next paragraph) and I got quite drunk, and I REALLY wanted to smoke. I had a puff. A single puff. And that was all. I feel like I've written this already. I don't think I have though...have I? I'm sure I didn't go...wait. Did I blog when I was drunk? I'll check that one...Nope. It's okay. I could have caved and had a whole cigarette. I could have enough just smoked all night. But I didn't. And for that, I reckon I should get a bitchload of credit.

So Saturday drinking. Well. It was me, Hans, Louse,Simonica, and Jack. Jack is a tranz...I can't remember if it's tranz boy or girl. I can never remember which is which. Anyway. He used to be a girl. Is taking testosterone. Still has breasts, not huge ones, but definitely breasts. So. There comes a time in the night, where it suddenly becomes a topless party. I'm wearin a bra, so is S and L(hers was actually a binder) and Jack is completely topless. With breasts. With a hairy chest. IT WAS SO DISTRACTING! I didn't know where to look. I couldn't look away though. He has larger nipples than me. I think mine are kinda small. Especially when you compare them to the overall size of my breasts. I also felt up Louse's breast because I was like "Noooooo, I can't believe that we're the same size" I don't think that I gained any real insight about if our boobs are the same size or not, but I did manage to awkward myself out real bad. I'm not supposed to be feeling her titties. It's just not right. So, she decided that we have the same size boobs, it's just that mine are bigger compared to my overall body size. That worked for me. Made sense.

I was supposed to be going to dance class tonight. It isn't happening because I'm a pushover and I swapped shifts with Matt and I don't finish until 9 now. It's lame. I'm feeling quite down about it. At least I have delicious food to eat. I made some vege lasagne last night. I may have over salted the eggplant ever so slightly. Just a tiny bit...It's just lucky I didn't salt the rest of the dish. I should have done more pumpkin too but I really couldn't be bothered. I'm hungry. Flopi isn't going to make me not hungry. Although apparently it contains fiber. I don't quite understand how that works, but they sure are tasty.

I'm gonna check my facebook. I think I have my ranting done for the day. I'm feeling much calmer. Perhaps a little sleepy in fact. I could so go for a nap.