I have no title.

Hey

So, it has been brought to my attention, that I come across as being sad in mah blogs. Probs because I am most of the time. So much of the time. Today, I'm sad because I have rash face. It's bringing me down to the max. It's just so frustrating. I'm not doing anything that's excessively bad. Am I? Maybe I am. Maybe I deserve all the shit my body decides to throw at me on an almost daily basis. My lips are peely. It's fucking yuck. I want to hide. It bothers me SO MUCH. It's not fair either.

Meh.

So, this weekend was pretty good. Well, my Saturday was a bit amazing. I guess my Friday night was pretty awesome too. I got to do something I'd wanted to do for...at least 3 years. That's how long I'd been quietly pining for him. And I finally got to do it. Fuck yes. FUCK YES! Such a big cock also. So big. One of those surprise yet not surprised in the slightest kind of situations. Plus piercings too. I think I'm almost recovered. Maybe. So much tenderness on Saturday. But it was really nice, I got to just lie in bed until 3 on Saturday, naked and happy. Sleeping and having sex. It was exactly what I needed. Something that had certainly been missing from my life for a while. Such a long time. I GOT TO DO IT!!!!!!!! My walk home pretty much consisted of me wearing the biggest smile on my face. So much joy. I don't know if we'll be doing it again, or if we do how soon it will be, but I'm happy I got to do it either way. I needed a little bit of affection. Really really needed it.

I think...I don't know. I think he's trying to push me away. Or...I'm not sure. It's just like...he's trying to make me not like him or something. I don't' know. It's hard to explain, but, I kind of feel like, normally, when i think something's up, I'm normally right. You know? It definitely isn't helping my mood of late. It's just kind of like he says things, that shouldn't be hurtful if I don't have feelings for him, but I do, so therefore they are, but nobody else in the room understands any of it because they don't know about anything. And that's a little bit shit. I just feel super defensive all the time. And kind of like everything he says is a personal attack. I realise it isn't, he's just a jerk, but, I dunno. Sometime, I regret getting myself into this position. I mean, shit, it's awesome most of t he time, but the fact is that it's going to get painful, and it's painful now because I don't really feel very secure in myself. I opened myself up, and I got shut down, and then I got shut out. I mean, before I talked to him, we were textin and talking on a regular basis, and then, I tell him how I feel, and I realise that he doesn't want what I want, but I didn't want to change anything. That's not what I wanted.

And then, THEN, he's all nice and shit and confusing the CRAP OUT OF ME. I mean seriously, I just don't get it. Just choose something, and run with it. I've chosen sad girl. I really need to learn how to do that on the pole(it's one where you kind sit and bring your upper body over your legs. I think it's called sad girl cos it makes your thighs real sad. THey don't like it much. Although the desensitising it well under way). I don't think I chose it, it chose me. But hey, what can a girl do. It'll pass. The storm clouds can't last forever. LOLOLOLOL jsut got asked what I blog about. Psh. You bitch. It's you. I just wish to state that I'm not actually this angry in my regular day to day living. Mostly. But seriously, I just, I vent. A lot. Because I figure I'm better off getting it out now, rather than let it turn into real anger. Because, I don't think me being angry is a good thing. Never good. Need to pee. Gonna post blog now. Just babbling about nothing.