Hive of anxiety

I was going to say "A Hive" but, is it "An Hive"? I didn't know. Therefore I didn't put it in at all. That's how I get around spelling and grammatical issues. If I don't know, I think of a different word or put it differently. It's way less stressful.

What is currently mildly stressful but kind of exciting in a "I'm going to be liberated" way is stopping smoking. I have a few smokes left in my pouch, I'm going to buy a pack of tails tomorrow, and then by Sunday, I will be smoke free. This scares the crap out of me ever so slightly. What am I going to do with my time? I'm not going to put on weight. I've already decided that one. I think every time I crave a smoke I'm going to do exercise. I'm also going to start going for runs. Beat the restless sensation. Read some freakin books. Pretty much anything I can to distract myself. Sit ups, lunges, squats, POWER SQUATS(I just came up with that name for them, they probably have a real one but I like putting that power in front of them).

I think I'm going to draw a lot of motivation from...fuck, haven't actually talked about him specifically yet. Okay. I'm gonna refer to him as B. The capital is...necessary. I know you guys are smart enough to put together the pieces. Anyway. He's apparently withholding everything(I don't know how closely this will be adhered to) until I've stopped smoking. This is annoying the crap out of me. I'm tempted to just wear my fishnets and suspender belt tomorrow just to get a rise out of him(LOL get it? Rise? Ahahahaha I'm so punny). I won't. I want to, but I won't. BAH. I want him in my pants so bad. I got a tease last night. He gives pretty good oral. Probably some of the best I've had actually. I guess the joys of an older(he's not actually that much older, just older than most of the recent guys) man. If he was crap it would be okay, cos I'd just move on. But he's not. He knows what he's doing with his tongue. I like him far more than I should. I shouldn't have let this happen in the first place to be perfectly honest, but it has, and I want more. I want him in my pants. Now. Right this second.

I'm unsure if bleeding just as I quit smoking is a good idea. I really need to though. I think there are too many feelings inside right now. Not that bleeding will make them go away. If anything it will intensify things. But once it's done, I'll be sweet. I need to go to the doctors. Get more pills. I so can't be bothered but I really should. I need to get some more hayfever stuff too. I need to do it before I go to Japan.

RIGHT! I need to do some complaints. I've been putting them off all day. The complaints database has been down all week, so I haven't done any, and now I have a pile on my desk. There were 13, but I did....1...so there are 12. Fuuuuuuck. Doing them as of...NOW!